Womanly Virtue???

Have you ever heard people (usually female) say that if only women ran the world there would be fewer wars and less aggression? That argument never resonated with me, but an emerging trend is revealing serious flaws in the concept.

The trend is towards the commission of violent crime by women. On Halloween, a woman in an upscale neighborhood of Baltimore was randomly attacked by a pack of 10-15 juveniles. I use the word pack deliberately, as the behavior resembled feral animals more than humans. The newspaper report reads,

“I had a red down-like vest on, so they grabbed the back of my vest and then held me, and then out in front of them came six young women with wood pieces that were like maybe an inch thick and about three feet long…” 

“They started hitting me with the wood, in the knees, a lot in my face…”

A number of other citizens were similarly attacked on the same evening.

Earlier in the year, in Chicago, two males and two females, aged 18-24, were charged with hate crimes after viciously torturing a mentally disabled teen. Once again, the attackers completely submerged their humanity.

Women have always been capable of physical viciousness. Accounts exist of Indian women doing unimaginable things to captives. There were female Kapos in Nazi concentration camps and individual mothers have tragically abused children. But are we seeing an increase in callous behavior among groups of supposedly mentally sane females at a time when there is no communal or governmental structure providing the patina of approval? I fear we are.

There are a few commonly advanced reasons for the general deterioration of civilized behavior. Among them are the increasing number of children being raised in single-parent (usually female) homes; the explosion  of anger promoted by technology that allows anonymity and discourages real discourse and relationships; the dismal failure of a government school system with politicians seemingly focused on everything except providing decent education;  and a public disdain for religion and traditional values.

I would like to make one more suggestion. This thought is coming from my mind and heart. I know that many will refute it and, indeed find it offensive. I have seen no studies to support it nor have I conducted interviews to test my thesis. Yet, it may very well be valid and I do think it is worth putting on the table.

Since the “Murphy Brown” days, we have seen that wealthy, upper-class, and well-connected woman can indeed manage lives as single mothers. The children may lack fathers, but their mothers can afford to purchase the backup support they need and to provide for their children’s needs. However, as the idea of single-parenthood was promoted, women without the same financial and cultural advantages mimicked the behavior even though they were completely incapable of mimicking the positive outcomes. (And no, I am not saying that no non-wealthy mother can successfully raise a family. That is patently untrue. I am speaking in broad terms on a societal, not an individual, level.) Government misguidedly set policies in place to further discourage the concept of reserving parenthood for married couples.

In a similar way, I would like to advance the idea that abortion has had a different effect on the elites who advocate for it and the general populace who falls victim to that elitist vision. People may pontificate that abortion is a minor medical procedure with no emotional element, but in the real world ending a potential life does not equate with removing a benign fibroid.

Not only is the “clump of cells” you are destroying capable of developing a heartbeat, lungs, liver and fingernails, assuming it hasn’t already acquired those features, it is capable of developing a personality. In the future, for many women cooing over a winsome infant or delighting in a toddler’s lisp must bring a reminder of what might have been. In addition, that fetus is a miniature version of you. Destroying something that carries your own chromosomes and genes might very well have a conscious or subconscious psychological effect.

Emotionally secure girls, with access to physical and psychological support may process an abortion without being shattered. Perhaps they can put the memory in a box, separate from the rest of their lives. What about girls who don’t live in similarly healthy environments? Even if some aren’t affected by having an abortion, can we posit that almost no one is?

Is it possible, that by training young women to view abortion as benign, we are creating a group of women who are learning to close themselves off to their emotions? Are we creating hardened, masculine girls? When I was in junior high school, we were assigned a project having to do with the Holocaust. I don’t even remember what a few of my friends and I worked on, but, in a memory that brings me shame, I know that we reached a point of cracking “Holocaust jokes”. I think that we simply weren’t able to handle the research we did, the constant reading about unimaginable atrocities. Yes, children our age and younger underwent those atrocities, but we blessedly were spared them. It might have been better for us not to read so many graphic details until we were more mature. Is it so absurd to think that a generation immersed in an abortion culture learns to deaden their feelings?

I have no information on the specific girls involved in the recent heinous crimes. Their personal stories are somewhat irrelevant. The culture around them disrespects human life.

Can this be a factor in the scary and disturbing increase of violent behavior of young girls? I don’t know, but neither do I think that it should be automatically dismissed.

64 thoughts on “Womanly Virtue???”

  1. I have worked in public health for 14 years as a breastfeeding counselor. I currently work at a hospital and help Medicaid moms see the value of breastfeeding. When they decide to breastfeed I help them to achieve their goals.
    Many people don’t know that when you get pregnant your breasts start to change as a result of pregnancy. When women get abortions their breasts have already undergone the beginning of breast change for pregnancy.
    From conception to delivery the blood stream of the baby and the mother increase in oxytocin. Breastfeeding after delivery turns on oxytocin receptor sites. Oxytocin is the mothering hormone, the live hormone, the hormone of orgasm, of hearing your first name, when your pupil dilates, human touch, pregnancy, delivery, and breastfeeding/nipple stimulation.
    Throughout working women’s history especially during 1972 and 1973 most women didn’t Breastfeed. 1972 breastfeeding rates were 22% and 1973 breastfeeding rates were 25%.
    This means that women did not turn on receptor sites that enable us to make a hormone that helps us to have patience, to love, to nurture, and helps modulate our central nervous system, decrease our feelings of pain, decrease our auto-immune disorders and the list goes on.
    The research shows that if your mom doesn’t Breastfeed you typically won’t Breastfeed either, although this is changing as a result of jobs like mine.
    World War II many unnamed women that helped with the war effort also did not Breastfeed, and their daughters didn’t either and neither did their grand daughters etc. we are looking at a period in history that up to 5 generations or more didn’t Breastfeed in a row.
    Oxytocin is also the hormone of monogamous relationships. The Bible says that we are to cling to the Word like a new born baby cleave to milk. It also says we are to cleave to our moms and then when we get married cleave to our wife. (The above scriptures are not exact).
    But to your point not Breastfeeding and the need to work and use daycare has definitely desensitized us in a very hormonal way.

  2. Team Lapin sorry to have to ask 2 yes or no questions:

    1- Is Larry David the new norm for US Judaism?

    2- Are we living in a post-Christian world?

    Shalom from NC

    1. Rabbi Daniel Lapin

      Dear Bobby–
      Never apologize for asking questions — (only for ‘telling’ questions)
      1) Of course that talented and smart entertainer with appalling judgement and breathtaking ignorance of Judaism is not the “new norm” for US Judaism. Is there such a thing as any person who is the “new norm” for politicians? Is there such a thing as any person who is the “new norm” for Moslems? Is there such a thing as any person who is the “new norm” for plumbers? Obviously not. He embarrasses many Jews faithful to the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.
      2) If we are, then Jews (along with all other peaceful and law abiding people) need to find somewhere else to live. I am frankly terrified of America becoming a post Christian country. As someone who speaks at over 35 wonderful and inspiring churches each year, I can assure you we are nowhere near a post Christian America yet but times are dangerous. Europe is in a far more perilous position but also not yet post Christian thank God.

  3. I would like to add a few of my observations to your excellent musings. I was a young mother in the 60s when the feminist movement began. I refused to jump on the bandwagon as it seemed to be counter to common sense. One of the first changes I noticed was that the women started to mimic the more loud and coarse actions of the men. The loud yelling, whistling, and unbecoming language was tolerated and encouraged, and only seems to have deteriorated since then. I appreciate you and the Rabbi so very much. My life has been enriched greatly by your teachings.

    1. Valerie, I once discussed at a conference that the call of the 60s wasn’t to value femininity but to mimic men – and men at their worst. What a mistake.

  4. It is not to say that women are evil or that ALL women are evil. But there have been many throughout literature to advise us that when a woman is inspired to do evil things, she far excels the man. The very same thought apparently inspired the initial naming of hurricanes after women. The same thought inspired William Congreve (1697), whose text passed down to us condensed as: ‘Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.’ Likewise Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (Faust, 1808) also wrote: ‘Wenn es geht zu des Bösen Haus, das Weib hat tausend Schritte voraus.’ My own free ‘backyard’ translation would run: ‘When going to Evil’s house so dread, the woman’s a thousand steps ahead.’ Make of this, Gentle Readers, what you will. But I think Ms. Susan is quite right. Whether Indians, Kapos Nazi or Soviet, women are indeed capable of physical cruelty in the absence of civilized behavior. One might also consider adding mental / psychological cruelty.

      1. Then let us set our minds toward good things. I remember the Rabbi’s story of Devorah the bee, how she can provide both honey and the sting. An apt demonstration of the Southern sage who said: ‘Never underestimate the power of a woman.’

  5. Susan,
    Excellent article. Since CIVICS has been extracted from schools, the models for Ladies & Gentlemen have died off. Perhaps we need to elect ROYALTY for USA. Their only duty is to be role models of civility.
    Even some of the Queen’s children were corrupted from being role models.

    1. My experience too. Perhaps women hold grudges and men either move on or it turns into a feud? (off the cuff here)

  6. Miss Susan-
    I think your hypothesis may well be valid. The lack of respect for the ways of civilization and life lower the inhibitions that cause us to circumscribe our desires and keep our passions in due bounds. The casual acceptance of abortion may well be a major factor in the lack of control that young women are showing now. I think however there are other dynamics in play. The viciousness of the attacks you recited show a general feeling that the victims are less worthy than the attackers. Women, in general are followers (with many outstanding exceptions.) They, in my observation, find a strong personality and follow that lead. This is the gang mentality. anyone not in the gang is lower than anyone in the gang and therefore is open to attack. The indian women in the letter above did not consider that the Apache women were humans. Otherwise they could not have done what they did do. Africans were believed, wrongly, to be less human than whites. History is replete with examples of the viciousness of women, along with men, toward the powerless. A gang is a way to lay aside the powerlessness. You see it in the cool girls table in Jr. High. The cyberbullying of one girl by the others in her age group, usually at the behest of a strong female leader. How good it would be if a female leader would rise up to lead young women in the paths of righteousness for righteousness.
    So abortion, prostitution, bullying are all symptoms of the quest of women for power, power they do not realize they have. They do not respect themselves because no one has told them of their true worth, a good woman being worth more than pearls.
    I again rambled on for too long. I cannot express how much you writing means to me, and how thought provoking it is to this old man.
    I hope you will not take offence with this, but I have a problem with your use of “disrespect. ” You may not respect someone, you may insult him you may show disrespect for or to him him, but you can not disrespect him. Disrespect is not a verb. Showing disrespect is not the same as disrespecting. Disrespecting is not the same as not respecting.

    Minor point but one that bothers me.
    Your admirer _ William Brower

    1. I gratefully accept grammar corrections. I need to internalize that one. And your point about gang behavior is very worthwhile.

  7. I have been distressed to observe many of the same things as you have. In the past generation the last of the legs of civilized society have been kneecapped, sadly it seems only a matter of time (if things continue apace) before those legs totally collapse. That said, I have spent my adult life married to one man, raising a family with him, and since our kids have been launched, having young adults come and live with us to observe us, and, it is to be hoped, learn these important principals from us. It feels like such a tiny drop in the bucket, but I shall keep on dripping. And reading your posts for encouragement.

    1. Kathy, I don’t think the influence we have on our children (and their friends) and through them on future generations is a tiny drop in the bucket at all. Or rather, many tiny drops will fill up many buckets.

  8. As I read this I could not help but think of Debra. I look at her as a strong, warrior woman who led in battle. I also look at the example of how one woman can feed a man milk, reassure him to make him feel safe and protected, and then pound a stake through his skull as he’s sleeping. Of course he was the enemy. There were also women in the Bible who were evil who committed horrific acts as well. In reference to previous example of Indian women who committed horrific acts on Apache women in the practicing of that particular tribe’s religion I would like to address the violence of calvary men on unarmed elders, women, and babies during the Sand Creek Massacre. These soldiers ripped the babies from their mother’s wombs and cut off body parts. This was done by the government and under by Colonel Chivington”s command, a former pastor. This was done to get someone else’s property/land. Pagan religion practices and those proclaiming to be Christians have been viscious, male and female. Could those acts of ripping the babies from their mother’s wombs have set a precedent towards disregard of life ? On a side note, I believe that some women are called to be warriors and it is their destiny – and that some men were created to be more gentle – perhaps poetic. There were women who led in the Bible – and there were men who wouldn’t fight unless led by a woman. There are women (Joan of Arc) who fought. Respectfully and spontaneously, these are just some thoughts that came to mind when I read this.

    1. Thanks for your thoughts, Roxanne. When I read the report of the Apache women, I also thought of the massacres by cavalry – but they were men. I don’t know of any torture of Indian captives by settler women. It certainly didn’t seem widespread. My Musing was specifically about women -and group mentality of women rather than unique and uncommon women like Yael (Jael). And she murdered Sisera, who was an enemy general. but she wasn’t wantonly cruel. I don’t equate warriors (Joan of Arc, Deborah) with random, meaningless cruelty like the examples I gave. I agree that there are individual men and women with individual temperaments, but I wasn’t speaking about that. So, many of the thoughts that came to your mind, came to mine as well.

  9. One of my favorite old DVDs is “Wild Wild West”. In some of those episodes, Western cowboy-style U.S. Secret Service agent James West(Robert Conrad) falls in love with some gorgeous dame, only to later learn to his chagrin that she is one of the “bad guys”! Yes, she is in with them! I really learned my lesson well from watching that! I did not marry until age 46, and have always been super-cautious around the “fair sex”. Indeed, women are not all “sugar and spice and everything nice”.


    1. With all due respect, Lawrence, I think there’s a huge difference between “sugar and spice,” and viciously torturing a mentally retarded teen or randomly assaulting a woman on the street.

    2. Rabbi Daniel Lapin

      Dear Lawrence–
      I am dismayed that your caution around the ‘fair-sex’ made you postpone marriage until 46. I pray that you are in a wonderful marriage. If I may say, I think you might have been just a tad overly cautious.

  10. Susan, Firstly thank-you for your musings, they are always thought-provoking and I find myself in agreement with you so many times -sometimes only in theory because there are differences between our cultures (I’m a Brit).
    To me, these kind of changes in society are an automatic response of a culture whose individuals have denied any kind of deity and two things thus follow. a) the only standards are self imposed, there is no longer any external code-book of rules so “what I want” is uncontrolled (and often uncontrollable) by anything. b) The loss of anything/any person to be responsible to – If I have evolved then evolution demands death to proceed so I have no value whatever and the primary lessons that I learn from evolution involve violence – and that includes the thought that if I have no value in society in the first nine months of my life then logically I have no value in society in the next several sets of nine-months either – until the necessary end-point of evolution for the individual – that is death. That being so it also must be true for all other individuals so, on the evolutionary ladder they are useless to me except to fulfill my own (uncontrolled) desires
    Of course these untruths are not the actual facts. We are made. but sadly our consciences can be seared and become hardened

  11. Splendid article Susan. Your hypothesis makes a lot of sense. I think gender has nothing to do with a propensity to cruelty; it has everything to do with the cultural atmosphere permeating society, and right now in many countries, including the U.S. the cultural atmosphere is more and more toxic to the values of civilization.

    1. Norman, I agree that the cultural atmosphere is toxic, but I think that, as a population, females have more of a propensity to gentleness unless acculturated out of that.

        1. That’s an interesting point. My husband teaches that the physical world teaches reality about the spiritual world. And whether we are talking about hat size or height, what you are saying is true for the physical world. The bell curve distribution clusters more to the center for women than for men. (If I’m not saying this correctly or well, I know my husband will chime in and I invite him to do so.)

    1. Gordy, we do greater and much worse things because of peer pressure. The group around us does goad us for better or for worse.

  12. On a recent episode of your tct program your husband mentioned needing help keep in his yarmulke from sliding off. I don’t know the name of the product, but it’s a two sided tape used to keep skimpy dresses from revealing even more. I’m sure it would safely work for him. Also, I’m not sure what he called his head cover, I couldn’t make out the word. Thank you both for the time and energy you devote to teaching me Ancient Jewish Wisdom. I have found such a deeper level of understanding of God’s word thanks to being offered a rabbi. You have enriched my prayer life, my daily life and my spiritual life immeasurably.

    1. Thanks for the advice and the compliment, Laurie. The word he spoke about is transliterated at yarmulke – literally “awe of the King.”

    2. Rabbi Daniel Lapin

      Dear Laurie–
      Thanks for watching Ancient Jewish Wisdom on http://www.tct.tv and for your kind concern about my yarmulke. I will definitely try obtain some of that tape you describe. (I often wondered how those dresses remained so perilously in place…. ) I have tried so many solutions….thumb tacks…..velcro tape……vacuum suction cups….all in futility. Maybe this will work. Watch out to see if I stop constantly adjusting it on TV–you’ll know your solution worked.

  13. Simplify put we are a society or world out of control. Take away our teachings of God and good God loving families that do nothing to raise our children by Gods laws and not our own will give us failure every time in our society and the world. It has been this way from the beginning. These are the end of times and it will get worse. We must stay strong and true to God and the way He has taught us. As Noah and most of the Israelites did. Is there a fix for this, I don’t see it. The past two generations of children are in too deep and no fix in sight. The damage is already done. A miracle would be nice. Maybe we need to Pray for that miracle?

    1. I’m all in favor of praying, Gus, but we need action too. Young people are less in favor of abortion than older generations. A lot of people stayed faithful and worked hard – and are working hard – to keep the issue alive.

  14. “Are we creating hardened, masculine girls?” After claiming “Women have always been capable of physical viciousness.”, that doesn’t make much sense. The societal breakdown that removes the restraints on such behavior, by both males and females, is certainly worrying. And, abortion surely has a profoundly negative impact on our society. I hope future generations will look back on it with as much repugnance as we now view slavery and genocide and wonder how we could have been so blindly, morally corrupt. I sometimes think of children as bullets fired into the future by their parents. What dilegence went into the preparation even before pulling the trigger, to ensure that the shot was “righteous” and would contribute to a positive outcome? Bullets sprayed with no forethought can cause disaster. Also, with the lack of training, morality, values, discipline, love, compassion, respect, and a host of other ingredients missing from the environments many of the parents and children in the country experience it’s difficult to remain positive about our future. I believe that’s where faith and a determination to abide by the Covenent are the only things that can save us. I can hardly wait for your next “musing” so I can feel more upbeat.

    1. Jim, I tried to make the point that the viciousness is of a different type than previously, in that it is not being done in the heat of battle, but rather in daily life and not by outliers but expanding to be more common.
      I hope my next Musing can help you feel more upbeat, even if only in knowing that others share your concerns for civilization.

  15. Very interesting thesis. Definitely not PC. It brings to mind a Lapinesque biblical connection: if women, and society as a whole, lessen respect for the womb, the ReHeM, they deaden sensitivity of compassion, RaHManut.

    1. Gidon, you are right that the word for womb in Hebrew is the root word for the word for compassion. Thanks for adding that to the discussion.

    2. Rabbi Daniel Lapin

      Thanks for remembering my “Lapinisms” Gidon-
      Time for us to meet up again, perhaps in Israel. Success in your work

  16. Susan, it’s interesting that you should bring this up. I don’t have any statistics or studies to cite, but I follow local crime reports, and I’ve noticed for the last few years that I’m seeing frequently what used to be rare, even extremely rare, i.e. reports of crimes committed by women, or teenage girls. But that’s not all. What has really struck me are the types of crimes that I rarely if ever recall being done by women: burglaries; unprovoked street assaults; street robberies; large groups of women swarming into high end stores, grabbing as many things as they can in a few minutes, and assaulting anyone who tries to intervene; assaults and beatings on buses and trains; even high speed police chases. I don’t know why it’s happening, I can only speculate (is this the dark side of “equality”?), but it definitely does seem to be a kind of cultural change, and a dismal one.

  17. Yes, a well thought out hypothesis. It rings true. I had need to explain abortion to my fifth grade girl – I told her the truth, that it meant killing a baby, and she was horrified. We need people to be horrified by this process. But we are hardening our hearts towards this truth.

    1. Mary Anne, it is very hard to sustain horror when something becomes commonplace. That is a major challenge in combatting wrong.

  18. Very insightful article, I must say. It’s a no-brainer that people immersed in immorality and the degradation of others become hardened and callous. This is what Pope John Paul II called the “culture of death.” Any society that can justify murdering the most innocent among us in the womb can justify anything.

    1. I don’t think it was possible for the Supreme Court Justices in the 1960s to know what they were unleashing on society.

      1. Rabbi Daniel Lapin

        Dear Susan–
        Just a small correction; if you are referring to Roe v. Wade, that landmark decision claimed that the 14th Amendment’s arguable ‘right to privacy’ extended to a right to abort a fetus and occurred in 1973. Of course the cultural roots that made it a predetermined outcome were already ignited in the 60s as you say.

      2. Pope Paul VI in Humanae Vitae (July 25th,1968) warned about the consequences of artificial contraception (AC). AC is one of the main reasons why our country is deteriorating morally. And AC failures do definitely lead to abortion (the murder of innocent, helpless human beings).

        “Consequences of Artificial Methods
        17. Responsible men can become more deeply convinced of the truth of the doctrine laid down by the Church on this issue if they reflect on the consequences of methods and plans for artificial birth control. Let them first consider how easily this course of action could open wide the way for marital infidelity and a general lowering of moral standards. Not much experience is needed to be fully aware of human weakness and to understand that human beings—and especially the young, who are so exposed to temptation—need incentives to keep the moral law, and it is an evil thing to make it easy for them to break that law. Another effect that gives cause for alarm is that a man who grows accustomed to the use of contraceptive methods may forget the reverence due to a woman, and, disregarding her physical and emotional equilibrium, reduce her to being a mere instrument for the satisfaction of his own desires, no longer considering her as his partner whom he should surround with care and affection.” Humanae Vitae 1968

    2. LOL! My granddaughter is a holy terror to her brother. When I had my sons in public school the girls were always running them home to beat them up until I gave them permission to defend themselves. Girls ate vicious and deceitful especially if they are trying to prove themselves.

  19. I just read an account of a friend of mine’s great grandmother, who traveled by wagon from Texs to California in 1860. After a battle, the Pima Indian men brought Apache Indian squaws back to their own squaws to have a ceremony and the women burned the Apache Indian squaws slowly at the stake. Quite a brutal account.

    1. I removed the link to your website, Mary, as is our policy, but I took a quick look and the account seems an amazing part of history.

      1. That is fine to remove my link. I just saw when posting it was allowed to put in the tags, but I mostly wanted you to see it. This was a true account and you don’t run across memoirs like this very often. I found it intersting on several points and the grueling life of travel on a wagon through the deserts of the southwest. The idea of the brutality of the Indian women was shocking to me. I had never heard of anything like it in my history classes. Conveniently removed, I think.

        1. I am really looking forward to reading it. And what beautiful handwriting! Thanks for letting me see it.

    2. Rabbi Daniel Lapin

      Just to add my $0:02 worth, Mary,
      I have always opposed the Jean Jacques Rousseau fantasy of the “Noble Savage”. Nothing could be further from the truth. Civilization is fragile and elusive. Savages are…..savages! Barbarians are….well, barbarians. While there were of course many noble Indian (sorry, Native American) leaders such as Chief Sealth, the level of hideous cruelty perpetrated by Indian men and women shocked the Christian settlers. And rightfully so.

  20. I think, too, the lower respect for human life now leads to more young men involved in violence and killing, not just the girls.
    Your weekly “musings” are very interesting. Thank you.

      1. I wouldn’t be shocked. Girls have been masculinized for decades. Moreover, girls ain’t sugar and spice and everything nice. Boys are mischievous and rambunctious, but girls are more vicious when you get right down to it.

        When Sparta defeated Athens in a war the latter initiated, it forced Athens to relinquish its empire, but showed enough mercy to let it continue as a self-governing city-state. If women had been running things, they would have burnt Athens to the ground.

        1. I don’t know about Athens, but I don’t think you can call girls vicious and boys mischievous as a general rule.

          1. You don’t think boys are more mischievous? LOL, then you, too, madam, have been affected by pcness.

        2. Rabbi Daniel Lapin

          Just my $0:2 worth, Truth 101–
          I think that women can be ferocious in defense of their family or tribe and this has always been true. What we are seeing now for the first time is women behaving brutally in criminal enterprise. And you couldn’t be more wrong in suggesting that Mrs Lapin has been affected by “pcness”.

          1. Rabbi, your wife initially wrote words indicating that she didn’t think boys were more mischievous. She subsequently clarified that this was not what she meant. If she had expressed herself more clearly to begin with, I wouldn’t have leveled the charge.

            So Susan: Of course boys are more violent. But viciousness is a different thing. Example: When two little boys fight, it’s often just pushing and rolling around like puppy dogs. Girls are less likely to fight, but when they do, it’s almost a no-holds-barred situation with hair-pulling and scratching.

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