What We Are vs. What We Choose

I am not going to opine on the political consequences of Senator Lindsey Graham’s death. I appreciated some of his actions and was frustrated by others, but that is irrelevant. The loss of any decent human being matters whether they are famous or not.

Conservative columnist Rod Dreher reacted to a social media response of which I was previously unaware. He brought up that the Senator’s alleged sexual leanings had long been cause for comment, particularly since Mr. Graham voted for conservative social policies. In other words, the blogosphere and whatever preceded it, felt it proper to delve into someone’s intimate life even though the individual meticulously kept his personal life entirely private and there was never a question of abuse or misuse of office.

Please note how Mr. Dreher chose to phrase it:

“There has been a lot of cruel mockery of him as a closeted gay man. As far as I know, there’s no proof that he was gay, but the rumors have been around forever…”

Later he clarifies, “But for now, I assume that he was gay, and closeted, and led a celibate life.”

Here is my objection:

I do not think there is such a reality as a ‘gay man.’ I think there definitely are men with a – sometimes overwhelming – predilection. But homosexuality is a behavior, not an identity. The psychiatric understanding of the matter, like so much else in psychiatry, is more a confirmation of political and social beliefs than it is the consequence of objective scientific research. Amazingly, in areas with undeniable DNA proof such as whether one is a man or a woman, much of the academic scientific world ignores biology. But when there is no biological marker, ‘science’ declares that it knows that one is born a homosexual.

I think that earlier editions of the DSM, the Diagnostic Manual of Psychiatry, were wrong to label homosexual behavior as a disorder. It isn’t a disorder. For those who follow a traditional Biblical understanding, it is a sin. Most of the founders of the United States belonged to this group as did the majority of Americans until quite recently.

Being tempted by adultery and fighting that temptation does not make one an adulterer. Feeling an urge to share nasty news about a neighbor but not doing so doesn’t make one a gossip. And being attracted to men does not make one a homosexual. Only repeated actions earn those identities. They also offer the ability to change. If Rod Dreher believes that Senator Graham was celibate, then identifying him as gay is a misuse of the term.

Why does this matter?

It matters because language creates reality. It matters if you call a newborn’s mother a chest feeder. It matters when natural human variations turn into diagnoses of disabilities. And it matters if you turn human emotions and desires into unchangeable and immutable facts.

Modern society is intent on labeling people. There are labels that academics don’t accept such as the ones in the Bible like male and female. Beyond those, the words that define us are ones with which we build our reputations such as giving, honest, reliable, and faithful. Those are the ones we can form and change and the fruits of which will accompany us beyond our time on this earth.

Senator Graham co-sponsored the Defense of Marriage Act and voted to ban same-sex marriage. He objected to repealing the military’s ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ policy. Are his possible private struggles and inclinations in any way relevant?

When a friend of mine was an economically struggling young man living in a run-down apartment, he voted against rent control. He acknowledged that in the short term such legislation would help him but was conscientious enough to realize that it would harm his city and society. We do not know if Senator Graham’s votes were propelled by stark political calculations, by principled beliefs, or by other determinations. It is proper to judge him by his votes. It is wrong to define him by imagining that we know what was in his soul.

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