Before heading out into a blustery day, I went to find my winter gear in the coat closet. This necessitated walking about ten feet away from where I had been chatting with my husband. A minute later I called, “Hello,” and my husband tentatively responded, “hello.” He was confused because he didn’t realize that I wasn’t talking to him. I was talking to my missing earmuffs.
I talk to the water boiling for spaghetti, telling it that I’m coming. I apologize to the wall I bump into when I cut a corner too sharply. I hold entire conversations with spices while cooking.
I don’t think I am unique and I do think that women do this more than men. For this reason, when a newly married young man expressed concern that his wife talked to herself, his worry inspired laughter rather than sympathy.
The idea that women talk more than men goes back a long way. Ancient Jewish wisdom teaches that ten measures of speech descended to the world, and nine of them were claimed by women. The previous line in the manuscript claims that ten measures of beauty descended to the world and Jerusalem claimed nine. While no one suggests this is demeaning the city of Jerusalem, many infer a slight of women in the second case. I don’t.
Jerusalem’s beauty is not tied to a specific vista or plant. It reflects her essence. Similarly, women’s talkativeness exemplifies her essential role–forming relationships. After all, before Eve’s creation, Adam was a solitary being. The concept of relationship came into the world with her. A mother has a natural, physical bond with her child; the father’s connection needs to be built. Women gravitate to social groups while men often need a reason to gather.
Naturally, there are gabby men and taciturn women. But on the whole, women share thoughts, experiences, and feelings more volubly than men do. One of the great damages that technology has inflicted on society is the preoccupied mother staring at her phone rather than chatting with her child. Instead of pointing out the squirrel climbing a tree or the roundness of the orange in her groceries, instead of commenting on smells and textures surrounding her, today’s mother frequently directs her attention elsewhere. Words that once explained the world to her infant and toddler while also building connection go unspoken.
I’m not interested in forming a deep tie with my earmuffs or spices. Nonetheless, when I ask them questions, give them directions, or express myself to them, it helps focus my attention. When I tell the oven that I’ll check the stew as soon as I finish washing the dishes, it helps me to remember to do just that.
Talking to things also serves as warm-up practice for talking to God. Being at ease with speech makes it easier to articulate a thank you when a convenient parking space appears, express a plea for the right words when I head into a potentially tricky situation, or acknowledge the beautiful sunset. Much can be said in favor of staying quiet, of not having to say something about everything. Obviously, women should hone, elevate, and be careful with their words. Perhaps, however, there is a good reason that God allocated nine measures of speaking to women. Communication is, indeed, what makes the world go round.
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