A young protege of mine was hoping to get engaged to a lovely young lady. He showed me the ring he intended to present to his beloved, along with his proposal of marriage. It was a beautiful piece of jewelry; a platinum band in which was embedded a full circle of sparkling diamonds. It was an “eternity ring” he informed me. Rather than confess my ignorance by inquiring further, I resolved to research the item on the Internet.
This I did, but the exercise taught me little else of significance, because ancient Jewish wisdom had long since informed me that the ideal environment for male-female bonding was permanence. Most couples become engaged and subsequently marry amidst proclamations that contain the words “forever” or “eternally” or “till death do us part”. I would imagine that hardly anyone notifies his or her intended, “I will love you until December 2034” or “I will love you, until I don’t.”
That deep down women in particular, but also men in a slightly different way, dream of relationship permanence can be seen in one of the most notorious violations of the so-called “Bro Code” – dating one’s buddy’s ex. Great friendships have been destroyed when a guy has sought the favors of a girl who was until recently his friend’s girlfriend. Why should this bother the fellow? After all, they are done; they broke up a while ago. Obviously, on some level, he had dreamed of a forever relationship and seeing her regularly with another man hurts him.
What about ancient Jewish wisdom? See this phrase:
If a man takes a wife… (Deuteronomy 22:13)
or this one:
When a man takes a wife… (Deuteronomy 24:1)
That emphasized word “take” is the Hebrew word KaCH
When Abraham purchases an eternal burying ground from Ephron (Genesis 23) the use of the word KaCH is emphasized as is the permanence of the transaction alluded to in the final verse of the chapter. Similarly, the word KaCH used in Deuteronomy in the context of marriage also signifies permanence.
The well-known verse, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother and cleave to his wife and they shall be one flesh…” (Genesis 2:24) also implies permanence.
Indeed, deep down, even men but especially women know that short term relationships, sometimes spoken sadly of as “hook-ups” are spiritually destructive. It is one of the saddest legacies of sixty years of feminism. To its discredit as a doctrine, feminism not only created circumstances that hurt both men and women, but it made matters even worse by making women feel guilty for feeling sad.
After the “hook-up” the immature man sings his song of conquest, but the woman weeps at the fleeting impermanence of it all. All along her heart yearned for a man who would cherish and protect her. What she got, with her complicity, was a man who used her.
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“All along her heart yearned for a man who would cherish and protect her. What she got, with her complicity, was a man who used her.” So true. I never wanted anything except to be loved and cherished by the husband of my youth. But sadly, I have just left my marriage after 48 years of dysfunction (yes I mean all 48 years). I have never felt loved, appreciated, cherished or protected. It appeared I was nothing more than “cash flow” to him as I worked consistently throughout the years while he went from job to job to education to job to unemployment repeating this cycle over and over. I believe I would have supported all of this (which I did each time) if there would have been love and appreciation involved but sadly, there was not. I finally decided – enough.
I’m so sorry, Breljan, for your experience. I do hope you find joy in life going forward.