The Cure Is Hated More Than The Disease

How do you like this allegory?  Once upon a time, there was a wonderful country filled with happy people. It wasn’t perfect, but there was hardly a citizen who’d rather be living somewhere else.  Then a wicked and ugly old witch whispered her evil curse over the land.  Little by little some children stopped getting educated and grew up illiterate.  Some children grew up sullen, surly, and unemployable. Many little girls, even before they grew up, fell victim to overgrown boys of poor character and many little boys grew up to become vicious thugs who enjoyed inflicting violence and pain on other people.  Because of these curses, many people suffered from poverty.

One day it happened that a beautiful good witch took pity on the once happy land and gave a priceless present to the people.  They gathered around to unwrap the gift. “What could it be?” they asked. Finally, the colorful wrapping was removed and the box was opened. Inside they found a big pot of magic paint.  “What do we do with it?” they asked.

The beautiful good witch stood up to explain and everyone listened silently and respectfully. “Paint a small patch of this magic paint upon the right ear of every newborn child,” she instructed. “All children with a small daub of this paint upon their ears will study diligently until they have acquired an excellent education. Every one of these children will be quickly hired by good employers or they will start their own businesses.  They will all grow up to be peaceful and law-abiding and they will marry before having children.  What is more, they will all prosper financially,” she pronounced.  Then, in a cloud of blue smoke, she vanished.

Upon hearing these words, the leaders of this once happy land immediately made it mandatory for every newborn to receive a daub of magic blue paint upon their right ears before leaving the hospital with their mothers. Like vaccinations, the blue patch as it became known, was declared a public health matter and complying was mandatory.  Well, it didn’t take much more than about twenty years and the country was again happy.  Once again the land was peaceful and filled with productive people.  The land returned to harmony, happiness, and prosperity.  The End.

Every allegory has a germ of truth in it; that is what makes it an allegory.  This one is no exception.  There truly is one simple thing that can be done for every newborn which will reduce its chances of poverty by over 85%.  That one thing will also increase the probability of the child getting a good education by 220%.  Furthermore, that one thing will almost eliminate the likelihood of the child getting into trouble with the law and reduce teenage pregnancy to almost the vanishing point.  The good news is that all these wonderful outcomes are almost inevitable if only one thing is done. It doesn’t even involve painting a blue patch on every child’s ear.

The bad news is that the one simple thing that can be done to bring about a wonderful life for every child is to make sure that it is born to a mother who is married to its father and that it is raised in a stable two-parent home.  Almost all else follows. Are there exceptions? Yes, sure, just as in any group of 320 million souls, there will be thousands of exceptions to the rule that people have five fingers on each hand.  That doesn’t change the truths that most people have ten fingers and that most children raised in stable two-married-heterosexual-parent homes do far better in life than those who weren’t.

For this happy outcome, it is necessary for parents to fulfill their obligations to their children and for children to fulfill their obligations to their parents, chiefly by respecting them in accordance with the fifth of the Ten Commandments. 

For that to work, there has to be both a mother and a father.  It goes against the grain for most women to insist on honor, even from their children.  If men insist on honor from their children, they look like bullying buffoons.  There is only one way children can learn to honor their mothers and their fathers: Mom teaches them to respect dad, and he, in turn, demands that they respect and obey their mother.  That is why this additional verse emphasizes not just the abstract ‘parents’ but explicitly ‘mother’ and ‘father’.

Each person should revere his mother and his father, and keep my sabbaths,
I, the Lord, am your God. 
(Leviticus 19:3)

This verse is not only about honoring our parents. It is also about the 7th day, the Sabbath.  In fact, the really interesting thing about this verse is that it actually encapsulates 3 of the Ten Commandments.

Commandment number 5, “Honor your father and your mother…” (Deuteronomy 5:16)

Commandment number 4,  “Keep the sabbath day…”   (Deuteronomy 5:12)

Commandment number 1,  “I am the Lord your God…”   (Deuteronomy 5:6)

If you’re lucky enough to receive a beautiful bouquet of flowers you anxiously search for a card that will tell you who sent it to you, its source. If we were merely materialistic beings, all that would matter are the tangible things–the flowers. But as spiritual beings, we recognize the flowers as symbolic of an abstract relationship. We want to know the source.

One of the important ways we retain our cosmic balance in a big and confusing world is by remaining linked to sources. “Who said that?” you ask the person to who spoke a beguiling quote. Does it matter? Yes, sources and origins do matter. “I got this recipe from my mother-in-law.”  “You see this hammer? I inherited it from my grandfather.”  Genealogy is a growing Internet theme.  We all want to know where we came from. One of the terrible curses of that wicked old witch is the large number of Americans who don’t know the name or the whereabouts of their fathers. 

Leviticus 19:3 says to revere your mother and your father. Apart from all the good they have done you, they are your source.  They are your connection to yesterday.  And remember the Sabbath because it too is a reminder to an origin. In six days God created heaven and earth and on the seventh day, He rested. Look around you. Everything you see had an origin and a source. The ultimate origin of all is of course God Himself hence the final phrase of Leviticus 19:3.

But it all starts with having a mother and a father to revere.  And making sure that every born child has his and her rightful legacy of a mother and a father is surely the business of anyone who claims to care about people.

It is not about protests, it is about parents. If you care about people suffering from poverty, make sure every child is born to a married mother and father. If you care about violent crime, do everything you can to ensure that every child is born to a married mom and dad. If you care about educational failure and want to stop multi-generational dysfunction, end the curse of children growing up without fathers.

It is shockingly hypocritical for elected lawmakers and officials, community leaders and activists (What are they? Who pays you to become a community activist?) to blame loudly for society’s problems everything imaginable except the one major cause; the cataclysmic failure of marriage and family.

We don’t need blue paint patches. What we need are influential people courageous enough to stigmatize publicly women, no matter how rich and famous,  who have child after child without being married. We need brave voices to condemn and marginalize men who impregnate women and then walk away.  America learned to stop smoking and it learned not to drink and drive. In a frighteningly short three months, America learned to distance and wear masks. Why can’t it learn that letting a helpless child tumble into the world without a mother and a father is terrible for the child, terrible for society, and just plain wrong? 

Promoting culture and government policies that destroy the traditional family has not led to greater happiness and prosperity. We have become afraid to proclaim that success is grounded in the Source, our Creator. Our mission is to share the Bible and ancient Jewish wisdom, the blueprint that lays out what leads a society to thrive or to shrivel. Our costs have increased, and on July 1, most of our prices will rise. This week is a great chance to stock up before that takes effect.

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38 thoughts on “The Cure Is Hated More Than The Disease”

  1. Getting married and staying married. Divorce rate is too high among religious people. A couple should have things in common besides the same religious setting

  2. Vicente Mendoza

    Dear Rabbi,

    I am still meditating the 10 commandments as you teach them. I learned them all in their pairs. Thank you so much! Things just make sense the way you explain them. Again, the thought tools really get me thinking and meditating on various topics and helping me gain a healthy understanding of things. Thank you so much!

  3. Enjoyed reading the article as well as your well spoken reply to Will. Wanted to share information I recently learned about the 1776 project (countering the misinformation from the liberal Marxist 1619 project). Website—> The silent majority of black scholars, religious leaders….
    Thank you.

  4. Dear Rabbi

    So many of the same thoughts have been running around in my head recently. You just stated them far more eloquently.
    I can well imagine that you will not be invited to give the commencement address for the first graduating class in CHAZ as I somehow believe their beliefs may not align with yours.
    Thank you for sharing your wisdom. As a Christian, you continue to challenge me to want to dig deeper to better understand the Judeo portion of my Judeo-Christian beliefs.

  5. This article really hits home with me because I lost my dad to cancer at age 13 after he led a selfish life and often ignored his marital/parental responsibilities to the detriment of our family. Had it not been for male role models like my brother, uncle and several of my high school teachers, I would certainly have gone down the wrong path. Our Creator designed the family perfectly to be a safe, loving, nurturing environment with the right balance of Mom and Dad. When that balance is missing, the impact can be devastating. On a positive note, shortly after I became a Christian, I developed a very deep conviction that I needed to forgive my dad in my heart because I was hanging on to anger and bitterness for what he did to our family. Finding that forgiveness allowed the chains to drop off and allowed me the freedom to live life in a different way than I had experienced. I spend a lot of time with my wife and 3 wonderful kids and my family’s legacy has totally changed for the better. Really enjoyed this article as it deals with the actual root of the problem we are seeing in our society! Blessings to you!

  6. This is the most eye opening article I have heard on this topic. This would change the trajectory of our nation if God’s people would hear this and heeded it. This article is courageous because it cuts against the grain of most God fearing people, as we are the ones that need it the most. We need to return to holiness, if God’s people raise the standard our nation will survive. I pray that curses be healed in our land and the mercy of God, as illustrated through His servant Abraham, help us oh Lord to open our eyes. Making difficult decisions hurt but help the body heal. We can obtain the blessing, but we must submit to the Heavenly Fathers will first.

    1. Rabbi Daniel Lapin

      Thank you Brett,
      You said it!
      Please do pass the Thought Tool around to others if you feel it is important.

  7. Dear Rabbi,
    I believe very strongly that the demonstrations happening in America is the hand of God himslef. It cannot be that a country will marginalize a group of people because of race and the privilged race remained silent the whole time and pretended that nothing was worng, and think God will not react. These are God’s own children and he who curses them is cursed as he who blesses them is blessed. In my opinion, America has come under judgment, its pride, gluttony and self conceit is about to implode. The only ones who loath the events are the ones who have benefited from the systemic racism of America for 400 years. All the family planning clinics serve the same purpose that Pharaoh put in place in the days of Isreal as Egyptian slaves. America symbolizes similar concept and I am very shocked that you do not see that. Right from time, the blacks have been targeted by the system, the heroes of America and England are no heroes but villains as far as the blacks are concerned. what you consider to be courageous is prodigeous cowardice for the black race. True courage would have been to see to the equality and unity of all human beings( a nation divided against itself shall not stand, it stands to reason that America is taking the fall now). It is very hypocritical to have a constitution that clearly says all men are born equal but hides a phrase of slavery in it. Teachers that you consider hardworking are working for the system, the police, the politicians and the list is not exhaustive. Eugenics which many think stopped, in fact, is alive and well today and you know that. The bloodshed of innocent lives in America, what more shall one say? As a bible believer, ” we know that the blood of Abel cried out from the ground against his brother and Cain was cursed. How can you argue that America is not in the same boat as Cain? How can you possibly miss the systemic racism, police brutality, child abuse, family abuse, the targeting of black men in American soceity. These young black men who are supposed to be fathers are being targeted and killed daily in a country that you consider to be great. What was great about America lost its appeal a long time ago. You are there thinking you live in a gloriuos country, that country is nothing but an excuse of a country. Today the EU bans American citizens from travelling to Europe, this would have been unthinkable years ago. America is under judgment and the end of this judgment is that America will be reduced into nothingness. Just the same way God dealt with Egypt, that is exactly what will happen to America. And the white race should be ready because now, they are in turn to go into slavery just like the blacks. They would be enslaved by those whom they have enslaved for centuries. Tell me that is not God’s judgment. Read Isaiah 41 and 51 and you will see my points clearly.
    As much as I agree with a lot of what you are saying, I completely see this reasoning from a different perspective. I think it is a folly to make the plight of black men, fathers or families in America seem like a choice. That would be ignoring a very important fact. The country was built upon slavery, and even in 2020, slavery is still alive and well. It is a racist fragility that makes any white person conclude that blacks are facing the difficulties they face today out by choice but no bother, it is the turn of the white race. Let us see then how well they would handle themselves in a system that is targeted at destroying their very existence. Like it or not, there is a spiritual shift and now, the whites have to pay for all their attrocities against the black race. Cain, where is thy brother???

    1. Rabbi Daniel Lapin

      Dear Tim,
      You pose a number of questions both explicitly and implicitly. I don’t think I can do any better than reprinting the answers that the great (black) economist Walter Williams gives in his words and those of another great (black) economist, Thomas Sowell. Do you he is in error? Where specifically?

      At the root of most of the problems black people face is the breakdown of the family structure. Slightly over 70% of black children are raised in female-headed households. According to statistics about fatherless homes, 90% of homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes; 71% of pregnant teenagers lack a father figure; 63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes; 71% of high school dropouts come from fatherless homes; and 70% of juveniles in state-operated institutions have no father. Furthermore, fatherless boys and girls are twice as likely to drop out of high school and twice as likely to end up in jail.

      One might say, “Williams, one cannot ignore the legacy of slavery and the gross racism and denial of civil rights in yesteryear!” Let’s look at whether black fatherless homes are a result of a “legacy of slavery” and racial discrimination. In the late 1800s, depending on the city, 70% to 80% of black households were two-parent. Dr. Thomas Sowell has argued, “The black family, which had survived centuries of slavery and discrimination, began rapidly disintegrating in the liberal welfare state that subsidized unwed pregnancy and changed welfare from an emergency rescue to a way of life.”

      As late as 1950, only 18% of black households were single parent. From 1890 to 1940, a slightly higher percentage of black adults had married than white adults. In 1938, black illegitimacy was about 11% instead of today’s 75%. In 1925, 85% of black households in New York City were two-parent. Today, the black family is a mere shadow of its past.

      Let’s ask a couple of questions about crime and education and racial discrimination. It turns out that each year more than 7,000 blacks are victims of homicide. That’s slightly over 50% of U.S. homicide victims. Ninety-four percent of the time, the perpetrator is another black person. Along with being most of the nation’s homicide victims, blacks are most of the victims of violent personal crimes such as assault and robbery. At many predominantly black schools, chaos is the order of the day. There is a high rate of assaults on students and teachers. Youngsters who are hostile to the educational process are permitted to make education impossible for those who are prepared to learn. As a result, overall black educational achievement is a disaster.

      Here are my questions to those who blame racial discrimination for the problems of black people: Is it necessary for us to await some kind of moral rejuvenation among white people before measures can be taken to end or at least reduce the kind of behavior that spells socioeconomic disaster in so many black communities? Is it a requirement that we await moral rejuvenation among white people before we stop permitting some black youngsters from making education impossible for other black youngsters? Blacks were not the only people discriminated against in America. While Jews and Asians were not enslaved, they encountered gross discrimination. Nonetheless, neither Jews nor Asians felt that they had to await the end of discrimination before they took measures to gain upward mobility.

      Intellectuals and political hustlers who blame the plight of so many blacks on poverty, racial discrimination and the “legacy of slavery” are complicit in the socioeconomic and moral decay. Black people must ignore the liberal agenda that suggests that we must await government money before measures can be taken to improve the tragic living conditions in so many of our urban communities. Black and white intellectuals and politicians suggesting that black people await government solutions wouldn’t begin to live in the same high-crime, dangerous communities and send their children to the dangerous schools that so many black children attend.

      1. Thank you Rabbi Daniel
        Cultural Influence
        This is not tiny. While it can seem how some over do it, The polar opposite is no cure.
        You remind me to show this to my kids. As said their
        ” Gammah love *tweee pepo!” (Grandma loves three people. ) So I too can carry the best to them.
        Those bits of respect ,etc., are valuable.

  8. Dear Rabbi;

    Great piece! I am thinking you should add a heart button or a like button so I can press it and move on (Lol!). Your words stir me so and I just want to show my gratitude.

    In looking at my (African American) family line, it’s clear there is a case of mistaken identity. Or better yet, no identity. Our parents divorced when we were very young and at that point, my dad had created six casualties, leaving them fatherless. Out of all six, he recognized #5 wanting to honor him and spend quality time with him.

    Any problem we have, can be linked to a father-problem. Both are disconnects from our Greater Source our Heavenly Father and our earthly fathers.

    1. Rabbi Daniel Lapin

      Thanks for writing Teena-
      Your words are poignant. You will certainly enjoy the words of Walter Williams that I quote nearby in my answer to “Tim”.

  9. Dear Rabbi!

  10. What a valuable read.
    The law of sowing and reaping works both ways. What our country is now reaping is what has been sowed for the last 60 years in America. Fatherless homes, single mothers, and the government becoming our daddy. Thank God for happy warriors like you all that are willing to fight for what is good and true! Thank you Rabbi!

    1. Rabbi Daniel Lapin

      Thanks for your uplifting words, Alejandro,
      We’re all Happy Warriors, aren’t we?

  11. Thank you so much, Rabbi! You are so courageous and you are such a blessing to us. Please be encouraged and know you and your wife are greatly loved and appreciated!!!

    1. Rabbi Daniel Lapin

      Thanks Bonny,
      It truly is helpful and encouraging to receive a letter like yours.

  12. I wish more people had the courage to tell it like it is (Or as you always say , Rabbi, “how the world reeeeeeeaaally works!”). It’s nice to have someone telling the truth!

  13. Really unfortunate for those who come from a broken home, pregnancy out of marriage, even insane females on the streets are impregnated by unknown person, where do we go from here. Thanks for your great write-up.

    1. Rabbi Daniel Lapin

      Thanks for writing Jonathan,
      It is so easy to feel hopeless but greater and more improbable comebacks have occurred through history.

  14. Rhenechia Jones

    Thank you for this brilliant commentary. Sadly, when black conservatives speak about this as the number one issue in our community, they are branded as ‘elitist’! Praying that we can reverse this curse before we collapse as a culture and nation.

    1. Rabbi Daniel Lapin

      You’re so welcome, Rhenechia,
      Nowadays, everyone trying to defy the frightening attempt at wide scale cultural revolution now occurring, must think of themselves as resistance fighters in a time of war. Then as now, they faced calumny, assaults on their livelihoods and families, and even destruction. There are people out there willing to fight for our culture and nation but they need to see someone running the flag up the pole. We need brave crusaders with vision. Perhaps you?

  15. I agree totally, that children should be born to a married mother and father. While we agree where do we begin to be bold enough to start the discussion. Let the platform begin.

    1. Rabbi Daniel Lapin

      Dear Penny-
      I deliberately wrote the word ‘stigmatize’ because that gives people butterflies in their tummies. Yet it is precisely that unpleasant activity that changes behavior. People who don’t wear masks regardless of doubts of their effectiveness, are yes, stigmatized so they put them on. Companies not supporting Black Lives Matter are stigmatized until they submit. And yes, when young girls for that is what they often are, get stigmatized for having a baby at 16, it will give pause to her younger sister. And when politicians who happily dole out tax money on lavish entitlements to young girls with babies, they too need to be stigmatized. You ready to do it? When you and others are, we’ll be bold enough to start the discussion.

  16. dear Rabbi Lapin,
    Yet another “Thought Tools” that is spot on. As another Jewish thinker whom I greatly respect puts it, “The happy make the world better, and the unhappy make it worse.” As one who worked in the public school systems, aka GICs, I saw the deterioration of discipline and the consequent lack of respect for authority that accelerated under the previous President’s administration. Such policies as his Department of Education promoted only increased the unhappiness of students, both those with problem behaviors and of those who sincerely wanted to learn. It looks to me that we are in a cultural ‘war’ for the soul of this country as, to use Lincoln’s statement, “the last best hope of earth.” As I read American history it looks to me as if G-d has had his hand on the USA especially at critical times in our history; I pray that we may still merit to have His guidance and we will have the courage as citizens to follow His lead. And as that same Jewish thinker points out, courage is the least common of the virtues. Such leaders as Winston Churchill, Ulysses Grant, and George Washington, courageous men all, have had their statues attacked and torn down in recent days. Is the hatred directed more at “racism” or really at courage?

    1. Rabbi Daniel Lapin

      Thank you Don,
      Yes, the pathetic remnants of the once great American public school system were entirely obliterated under the previous administration specifically with their erosion of standards and punitive policies on schools that attempted to discipline chronic troublemakers because so many were of one demographic. As if that was the fault of the schools and their hard working teachers. Now they are mostly all GICs.
      It is gloomy but not hopeless.

      1. Edward Rubinstein

        Potus 44’s administration may have exacerbated the problem, but it began (in our GICs) when they outlawed prayer in school. I’m Jewish, and had no idea what the L-rd’s prayer was. I learned it in school, and still to this day (I’m 71) have no problem with it. That and the take-over of the women’s movement by leftists have been the primary forces that have led us to where we are today – destroying statues of Jefferson, Washington, et al.

        1. Rabbi Daniel Lapin

          You’re entirely right, Edward,
          Trashing God’s Biblical blueprint that Americans all took for granted for 185 years. Substituting the false promise of security + equality instead of freedom.

  17. Beautiful illustration and so true. Thank you for your candid explanation of how we’re failing our society.

      1. Rijiin Murad-Rukabun

        Rabbi, I am single and in the family of God Thank you for all your knowledge and wisdom.

        1. Rabbi Daniel Lapin

          Thanks for writing Rijiin,
          and I hope your single status soon finds a solution.

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