Posts tagged " siblings "

Must I stay in touch with my siblings?

February 27th, 2019 Posted by Ask the Rabbi 31 comments

Should we avoid associating with Godless people? I’m the only religious child with 3 brothers and two sisters and I’m frequently torn between seeing them and avoiding the negative effect they can have on me. I find they do drag me down when I’m in their presence.

Do I owe anything to them because they are family?

Thanks,

Tom P.

Dear Tom,

The short answer is, “yes,” but that doesn’t answer the question, “What do you owe them?”  God placed a moral obligation upon siblings towards one another.  But the borders are not black and white.  Many children gravitate towards rules, be they in games or classrooms, and get upset when a rule is unclear. As we grow, we learn about nuances and exceptions to the rules, but we are constantly tested by needing to straddle lines such as between justice and mercy or discipline and compassion. We human beings often find it easier to live in a world of black and white rather than in the real world that God placed us which has many shades of grey in most of the real-life decisions we face every day.

You are in such a situation with your family, though you haven’t given us any examples of why they drag you down. At one extreme, you have no obligation, shall we say, to join your siblings at a movie that doesn’t meet your moral criteria, but in most cases, while you might not enjoy meeting occasionally for coffee or a family party, we would recommend that you do so. There should be a way to retain some contact while simultaneously limiting and shaping it.

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