Posts tagged " |goals| "

Happy Anniversary!

January 13th, 2020 Posted by Practical Parenting, Your Mother's Guidance No Comment yet

A year ago, our daughter Rebecca began a What’s App group to share her thoughts on Torah and Parenting. Over the year, I have shared many of her teachings with Practical Parenting readers after editing them to make them available to those without a strong Hebrew and ancient Jewish wisdom background. I hope you enjoy her reflections on this anniversary.

Before I started this group I was feeling stuck.  I love teaching Torah, and I love teaching parenting, but I was so busy in the throes of parenting, working, and running a home, that I didn’t have time to teach any classes.  When I thought about waiting until all my kids were out of the house to begin teaching again, I was disheartened.  Frankly, I didn’t want to wait another 15 years to do something that is so important to me, and I also thought that at the pace the world is changing, in 15 years my perspectives on parenting may well be out of date and irrelevant. So I felt stuck.

Ironically, I felt barred from teaching Torah and parenting because I was taking my parenting so seriously that it filled up my days and I knew I didn’t have time to give to others or teach Torah to others.  I didn’t like feeling stuck.

That is when I realized that I can do what’s important to me – I can teach Torah and parenting, if I do it in bite sized chunks of a few minutes at a time only on the days that my life allowed me. This group was born.  Honestly, I didn’t know if anyone would join, and mostly I didn’t even care – I was doing this because this is what I wanted to do with my life!  On January 1, 2019, I shared the link with my sisters and a few friends—I really didn’t think most people would be interested.  But I was wrong.  In addition to being blessed by doing what I truly love, there is now a group of well over 200 women learning together about Torah and parenting.

I’ve been blessed with reconnecting with old friends and meeting new ones.  I’ve been inspired and blessed by friends who don’t have children, who listen and comment. I’m greatly inspired by grandmothers who have such vast experience in their own parenting lives who listen and graciously reach out to me.   I’ve been incredibly blessed by friends of my mother who listen and tell me I occasionally remind them of my mother and grandmother teaching Torah.  I’ve been blessed by each one of you who reach out to let me know that something I’ve said has touched you or resonated with your life.

I think there are things we all feel stuck about.  Goals that we once had, or may still have that we give up on, because life is too full and busy, to live our secondary dreams as well as our primary dreams of our homes and families.  And I’m sharing my story to encourage you not to give up, but to think of ways to reframe your goals in ways you can incorporate into your life as it is today.  I can’t possibly commit to teaching a regular class now, but on the days I have time, I can prepare a short Torah thought and it’s more than enough for me right now!  Maybe you also have a dream, a goal that you thought was out of reach.  Maybe, today is the day to brainstorm what is really important to you and whether you can change the scope or size of your dream to fit your world today.

Last January 1st,  I suggested we take time to brainstorm and take notes about our children’s development, physically, emotionally, spiritually, intellectually, and socially.  Today, I’m suggesting that we take the time to do that for ourselves.  If there is any way you can squeeze half an hour out of the day today, let’s use it to really think deeply about these questions.  What do I value most of all?  What arouses my passion?  What brings me joy?  What small step can I take today to bring me more in alignment with my deepest values? 

Guilt is Good

March 27th, 2012 Posted by Thought Tools No Comment yet

Why are some countries rich while others are poor? Why do some countries attract immigrants while others lose citizens who flee in large numbers? Why do some countries enjoy relative tranquility while others are seething cauldrons of violence?

Posh and politically correct universities shrink from discussing these contentious questions because they fear the answer might refute their deepest beliefs.

Though largely ignored in academia, numerous books have been published dealing with this perplexing puzzle. To mention just three—The Wealth and Poverty of Nations by David Landes; Why Nations Fail by Acemoglu and Robinson; and Civilization: The West and the Rest by Niall Ferguson. While conceding that climate, geography, and natural resources carry some influence, they along with almost everyone who has studied the disparity of societies concludes that the wealth/poverty gap is chiefly due to culture.

A culture is bound up with the language with which it communicates. We tend to associate French as the language of romance, whereas Russian lends itself to brooding epics about the darker side of human nature. As God’s language, Hebrew gives us understanding into what God wishes for us to find important.

I would like to offer one small insight which grants us a spiritual strategy with practical application in our lives. English clearly distinguishes between winning a lot of money and earning a lot of money. Not all languages do the same.

Spanish

winning money = ganar dinero = earning money

French

winning money = gagner de l’argent = earning money

Unfortunately, I am not fluent in these languages and I am sure there are ways in which the context clarifies whether someone won the lottery or earned a fortune. Nonetheless, there are cultural implications when a language fails to distinguish between acquiring money randomly or through hard work. Is it out of the question that in some very small way, this could be linked to the launching of the industrial revolution in 18th century England rather than Spain or France?

Here is another example. What can we understand from the fact that Hebrew possesses more words than any other language for moral transgression?

Here just some of the words:

avel-(Deuteronomy 25:16); avon, chatat-(Deuteronomy 19:15); aveirah-(Deuteronomy 17:2); pesha-(Genesis 50:17); ma’al-(Leviticus 5:15); oshek-(Proverbs 14:31); chammas-(Psalms 55:10); nevalah-(Deuteronomy 22:21)

There are many more, and remember, there are no synonyms in Hebrew. Each word reflects a separate subtle nuance.

Sadly, the lofty Hebrew concept of always being alert to the possibility of sin and never straying “after your heart and after your eyes…” (Numbers 15:39) has been trivialized by comedic mocking of Jewish guilt. The truth is that feeling guilt for wrongdoing and then trying to atone is a competitive advantage and one that you can easily adopt to dramatically improve your own life.

One type of moral wrongdoing is not living up to your own goals. Imagine you set yourself a professional or a self-improvement objective; say a sales target, a be-nice-to-spouse week, or a weight-loss plan. Ordinarily, were you not to meet your aspiration, you might shrug your shoulders and move on. Or you might wallow in guilt. Either way, spiritually, your self-disappointment remains.

Once you remember the value of acknowledging and expiating guilt, you can set yourself a minor consequence or penance for not achieving that to which you committed yourself. You might run five times around the block or memorize a poem. By tying an action to your disappointment, you will find that your body and your soul smoothly cooperate in both moving on and also making it more likely that you achieve the next goal you set. If you repeatedly miss your goals, pay attention: it is a sign that deeper analysis is needed.

Carrying the weight of failed expectations can crush us. While the Torah uniquely highlights one day a year to recalibrate our internal monitors, the lessons from that day can be used year-round. Listen to my audio CD, Day for Atonement and let me know how it helps you look hopefully ahead rather than being trapped by the past. Download or order it at half-price right now.

Read this week’s Susan’s Musing: Gut-Punch: Too Old for a Transplant?

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