Like most of you, I do not know how to assess the actual health threat of the Coronavirus while recognizing that much of the panic, economic and social damage is media and politically driven. Panic hit my town today, with markets overflowing as customers stocked up in preparation either for being quarantined or for shortages. At the same time, friends and families co-ordinated, recognizing that we can share resources. Sharing a laugh—even a nervous one— and scheduling virtual activities for children sent home from closing schools makes it easier to deal with the unexpected.
Yet, today, many individuals around the world have few friends. A singular focus on career leaves little time for establishing families, building community on the local level, or for keeping up with relatives and childhood buddies. A few years back I wrote the following and it is as true or truer today.
What do high tax rates, entitlement programs and a dinner in honor of our nine-year-old grandson have to do with each other? It turns out, quite a lot.
My husband and I were privileged to attend a siyum at our daughter and son-in-law’s house. A siyum marks the conclusion of studying a specific portion of God’s word. (For a deeper understanding of a siyum see chapter 50 in Thought Tools Volume 1.) In this case, our grandson, Yosef, completed his very first section of the Mishnah—a compilation of ancient Jewish wisdom. Learning Mishnah marks a growth in maturity of thought and is a portal to deeper understanding. To mark the event, Yosef’s parents invited his teacher to a celebratory dinner.
What made this event particularly special is that we have known Yosef’s teacher since he was born. We met his parents when, as singles, they began attending my husband’s Torah classes. We rejoiced at their wedding; our families have shared many joyous and some sad times together as the teacher/student relationship evolved into one of close friendship. When our children were looking for a Torah teacher for Yosef, our friends’ oldest child was a natural choice.
When society functions successfully, this is how life works. People get to know, care for and trust each other. They interact in small family units, extended units of family and friends, and larger units like synagogue, church or business networks. When times are good they share Fourth of July barbecues, pick up groceries for each other and exchange recipes and books. In a time of need, such as illness, losing a job or a natural disaster like a hurricane, they support each other, providing not only physical assistance but also loving comfort.
Inevitably, as government grows bigger, family and friendship ties shrink. The more government expands, the more the private sector must shrink. The more an impersonal government provides, the less people rely on each other. The less people rely on each other, the more they generally need government support. As taxes increase to provide more necessities and entitlements it forces more people to work longer hours, leaving them less time for strengthening ties to family and friends. When government is the first resource rather than the last one, forming relationships becomes optional and temporary. “What can you do for me” associations replace the traditional connections that are a vital, necessary part of successful living.
In the final analysis, the government cannot supply love, affection, compassion or charity. It can transfer or redistribute money and services, but not heart. It can label you as needy but not recognize and encourage the sparks of your soul that turn you into a giver rather than a taker. It can fool you into thinking that you are self-sufficient while stopping you from forming networks of community and recognizing that there is no such thing as self-sufficiency. Current society is increasingly devolving so that people relate more to the government than to each other. The sad results are poorer and more bitter lives.
Yosef’s teacher and his wife brought their newborn daughter to the siyum. Since my husband’s late parents were also part of the web of connection with our students and friends, four generations were spiritually present at the celebration. That kind of safety net cannot be equaled no matter how many billions of dollars a government spends.
Brotherly care : h’nay matov…
Yoseph in Gen. So, while Egypt supplied product, needed more was conscience. Then, the means are better. Further reaching.
Still true. Thank you prompts. It helps.
You hit the nail on the head! Times like these with recommended quarantines certainly forces me to ponder where my true values lie. Thank you for this post.
Tinashe, it is easy to take friends and family for granted, but a huge mistake.
Mazel tov on another stellar column, Susan.
Thank you, Kristin.
So good. Thank you both for the blessings that I receive from your ministry. Great perspective. A little drip of heavenly truth.
Mark, I am pleased that even with a slight panic here and stores being overrun, people are being polite to each other.
Thank you Mark-
Cordially
RDL
How I wish I had been born a true Hebrew! I feel deeply blessed by learning from you and Rabbi. You both have enlightened me in a way I could never have imagined. You are truly a God send. I only wish I were more educated, but I do have a tremendous love for our God!
Love you both,
Terry (woman) Sterling
Ms. Terry Sterling spoke words that I totally concur with. Thank you, Mrs. Lapin, for sharing your knowledge and insight with us. I too am blessed by you and your husband. Praying great blessings to you and your family.
Love,
Tracy
Thank you for writing in, Tracy.
Thanks so much Tracy–
Cordially
RDL
Terry, God chose each of us to be born exactly where we were. Thank you for your kind words.
Thank you Terry-
It’s been fun working with you on our five week America’s Real War Masterclass which ended last night.
Cordially
RDL
Your 3rd-to-last paragraph (beginning “Inevitably”) is a clear and concise description of the decline of society. But I’d like to suggest a first step that might have been included: The diminishing relationship with God results in diminished confidence in societal relationships. That’s why they (understandably perhaps) people turn to government to begin to furnish needs that were once provided by neighbors and oneself. Once that starts, the alienation cycle gains momentum.
Excellent point, David. This idea came up over and over again in our just concluded America’s Real War Master Class.