Of Cynics and Friendship

Not surprisingly, when we owned a sailboat, our bookshelves were filled with boating books. Among them was a humorous volume listing tongue-in-cheek definitions for sailing terminology. If you have ever owned a sailboat this one should elicit a chuckle: Boat ownership – standing under a cold shower while tearing $100 dollar bills into pieces and watching them swirl down the drain.

We no longer own a sailboat, but that definition came to mind after my husband and I attended a friend’s birthday celebration. Participating meant six hours of driving there and back, paying ridiculously expensive tolls on the way, booking a room for the night and, since we have yet to master the art of doing two things at the same time, missing several work hours. Oh – and having to delay a repair in our home despite waiting a few weeks for the handyman to be available.

This is where another memorable definition entered my thoughts. One of playwright Oscar Wilde’s characters defines a cynic as, ’a man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.’

Looked at from the perspective of Finance, attending the party was a poor investment. Looked at from the perspective of another of the 5Fs – specifically the F of Friendship – it was a wonderful one.

The party itself was busy and noisy, allowing little time to talk to the celebrant or his wife. We barely got to reconnect with his mother, siblings, and children. So, why were we sure that our presence mattered?

The temptation to downplay at least one of our 5 Fs lurks in the backdrop of most of our lives. At various times, different of the 5Fs seem least urgent. Both technology and mobility mitigate against friendships. Add in inflation and blessings like a growing family and business and, at this stage of our lives, Friendship is the F most likely to be ignored.

This would be a mistake.

It is all well and frequently true to say about people in our lives, “We can miss speaking for years and then if we run into each other we pick up right where we left off.” Nonetheless, showing up for people is fundamentally different. The first case often hinges on nostalgia which keeps memories alive; presence keeps relationships growing. No one thinks that if ten or twenty years ago you put a great deal of effort into your families, faith, fitness, or finances, you wouldn’t have to be actively involved today. The same is true for friendship.

As so often happens, our other 5Fs got a bonus boost as well. We stayed at a charming and economical B&B rather than an expensive and sterile hotel room, which helped turn a 26-hour getaway into something that felt like a longer vacation. Score adding another shared delightful experience for our marriage (Family). Without advance planning, we managed to go out to breakfast with the birthday celebrant and his wife, deepening our connection (even more Friendship). The event’s location overlooking the Atlantic Ocean propelled us to take an invigorating walk on the beach the next morning, adding a checkmark to the Fitness column. (To be honest, the fitness aspect might have taken a dip with the purchase of a caramel apple from an unexpectedly kosher candy shop, but I digress.) Our spiritual (Faith) pocket was filled with the wonder of ocean waves and the tang of salt air.

Yes, we need to crack down today and over the weekend to make up for missed hours at work. There is a limit to the number of times we can elevate Friendship over other commitments. But just as sailing makes little sense if judged only through a materialistic lens, so would the balance sheet for attending this party. That’s the beauty of the 5F system we share with our Happy Warriors.

P.S. Get our book on the 5Fs – The Holistic You: Integrating Your Family, Finances, Faith, Friendships, and Fitness

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