Not All Codes of Conduct Create Equally Civilized Societies

We are in Israel for a short visit with one of our daughters. She is married to a fine Israeli guy and they welcomed their fourth child a few hours ago–a beautiful baby girl. We are celebrating the happy arrival of our new granddaughter — just eight weeks after burying our daughter, Rena. Tragedy and celebration; happiness and mourning, all inconceivably at the same time. And in this small, tightly interconnected country called Israel, almost everyone is either mourning a dead soldier or a captive’s murder or is closely intertwined with someone who is a mourner. At the same time, almost everyone is also celebrating someone’s wedding or the arrival of a new baby.

Two days ago, we dined in a restaurant together with dear friends we’ve known for most of our lives, who immigrated (made aliya) to Israel decades ago. The restaurant was packed with families; I’d say the median age of the diners was about 22. There were more patrons below the age of ten than over the age of sixty. There wasn’t an empty table as we sat watching the sun set into the Mediterranean and listening to the background music playing. This was the day that the six captives had been found recently murdered in a dark Gaza tunnel. Fascinatingly, the juxtaposition of sadness and celebration was not unbearable. We knew that tomorrow there would be funerals, but right then, we were celebrating our long friendship in a beautiful location in a life-affirming atmosphere.

Being able to function with contrasting emotions roiling our hearts while acting appropriately in each environment is a basic hallmark of civilization. By contrast, acting out one’s feelings, thoughtlessly expressing one’s emotions, and unrestrainedly projecting one’s passions is immature and barbaric. When toddlers have temper tantrums or upset young children melt down, we understand it–they are little children. When adults do it, we also understand; they are barbarians. Adults who inflict their hysterical outbursts and emotional breakdowns upon others in public are barbarians. Adults who express their upset by wanton destruction, arson and looting are barbarians. In short, barbarians act impulsively on their emotions and passions. To barbarians, appetite is destiny.

I use the term barbarian not at all as a general insult but as a specific, clinical description of a kind of human behavior. Barbarism is a set of life values at odds with civilization. Civilized people subscribe to a set of self-imposed standards, while barbarians behave in an entirely different and more self-indulgent way. A rampaging, menacing mob is barbaric; a dignified peaceful protest is civilized. It is decidedly more pleasant to live among the civilized than among the barbaric.

What is the basis of civilized behavior? Don’t act how you feel like acting; instead, act how your mind instructs you to behave. From where does this set of standards that civilized people demand from themselves originate? Answer: From the Bible. Scripture was the first time in history that a comprehensive system of human behavior, expected of us by a demanding God, was ever seen.

Honor your father and mother (regardless of how you feel about them). Don’t rejoice when your enemy falls (regardless of the hatred that surges through your system). Don’t sleep with another man’s wife (regardless of the passionate ‘love’ you both feel). Open your hand to those with less than you by gifting them with 10% of your income (regardless of how attached you feel towards whatever money you have). If you are Jewish, don’t eat a cheeseburger (regardless of how ardently your appetite calls for it). Don’t murder a person (regardless of how little right to his life you feel he has). Don’t lie (regardless of how flexible you feel the facts to be). Put your family before friends and strangers (regardless of our irrational and infuriating family can sometimes be).

The secret to civilization is acting the way that is appropriate rather than acting in the direction to which our hearts and feelings are drawing us. Running up to mourners at a funeral with joyful news about a new baby is as wildly barbaric as is spreading one’s grief at a wedding.

It is no wonder that in Israel, the land of the Bible, citizens are so remarkably adept at feeling both anguish and elation but expressing each one wholeheartedly in its place. This society is not only the land of the Bible but it is also the place where one can frequently watch civilization in action.

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