Never Marry That Boy

Why do so many women make such bad mistakes about men? Some date purposelessly, often wasting far too much time on a man who will never marry them.  They devote themselves endlessly to men who as boyfriends make them miserable, and who as husbands would make them even unhappier.  Ever confident of their ability to transform commitment-phobic-rogues into devoted husbands, they lavish endless love on callous losers.

While men make more than their fair share of mistakes, this lamentable catalog lists the main mistakes women make.  Why?  Because by and large women intuitively and profoundly believe in the power of love.  What is more, they are entirely right to recognize that God conferred erotic attraction with almost limitless capacity to motivate and inspire men.  Ancient Jewish wisdom actually teaches that were erotic attraction to be obliterated from the world, all achievement, accomplishment, progress and creativity would cease.

This then begs the question: if so many good women love these males, why don’t they respond?  Why are women so often disappointed?  Why does their love fail to transform these men?   The answer is because they are not men!   A good woman’s love only motivates and inspires men; it does nothing for boys.  Bestowing love and devotion on a boy is something only a mother should do.

Thus to answer the question with which I opened this Thought Tool, “Why do so many women make such bad mistakes about men?”  They don’t.  The only error they really make is to mistake boys for men.  Not knowing how to tell the difference, women waste their love on boys.

What then is the best way to tell the difference between men and boys?  Happily ancient Jewish wisdom provides the answer that for generations, has guided women into happy, fulfilling and durable relationships with real men.

The second chapter of Genesis containing so much wisdom pertaining to male/female relationships, culminates with this climax:

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother and cleave to his wife and they shall become as one flesh.
 (Genesis 2:24)

Although the context of this verse is the archetype marriage of Adam and Eve, its intent is to define every marriage everywhere and anytime in terms of helpful and practicable parameters.  Allow me to impart to you how ancient Jewish wisdom explains each phrase in this verse.

Therefore shall a man: What follows is unique to men.  It is irrelevant to boys.

leave his father: Leaving his father means that part of becoming a man is acquiring financial independence.  If a male is not earning his own living or at least far along in a deliberate and realistic plan to spend only what he himself earns, he’s not a man.

and his mother: Leaving his mother does not mean cutting off a relationship with his mom.  What it does mean is that a man is no longer emotionally dependent upon his mother.  He prefers to have her approval but doesn’t need it.  He honors and loves his mother and respects her opinions, but he makes up his own mind and can gently but firmly help his mother understand his emotional independence.

and cleave to his wife: Only now, with both financial independence as well as emotional independence is he a man and ready to cleave to a woman and make her his by marrying her.

and they shall become as one flesh:   This conclusion to the verse announces that only with all the preceding four conditions met, this fifth and final step, physical intimacy and erotic connection should now occur.

Not knowing these things is the reason women make mistakes about men.  Please note that I have three resources designed to increase both men and women’s abilities to choose the right mate, handle male-female interactions wisely prior to marriage (and in the years before being ready for marriage) and then establish a joyous home. You, or someone you know, really needs one, two or all of these resources. Please take a look at the books, I Only Want to Get Married Once and Hands Off ! This May Be Love and the 2 audio CD set Madam, I’m Adam and make your choice.   Acquiring these tools will help you or someone you care about. Your doing so also will help me create more resources helping us all understand God’s blueprint for reality.

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