to know of his disability.
My husband is severely dyslexic but over the decades has developed a wide range of coping strategies which effectively camouflage this condition. This week, he was criticized by his employer for behaviors linked to dyslexia, such as not taking notes during meetings.
I would like him to be formally diagnosed, and to share the evidence of this learning disability with his employer. He is reluctant and unwilling to plead special consideration. We would greatly appreciate your counsel.
Thank you for all that you do. As a long-time Happy Warrior, your teachings have made the most enormous difference in my life.
Warmest regards,
Nicole
Dear Nicole,
It is very hard to watch someone whom we love face criticism, especially when we feel that it is unfair. Many times, the pain of the person who loves is worse than the pain of the person who is directly affected.
Your husband shows great maturity and skill by taking responsibility and learning how to compensate for his dyslexia. In the real world, what matters to his boss is whether he can do the job for which he was hired or not. It’s not clear from your letter whether this is a new job, a new boss, or perhaps a throwaway comment that is hurting you but unimportant in the larger scheme.
We understand your husband’s reluctance to ‘plead special consideration.’ He wants to be respected for the work he does, not held to a different or lower standard, or possibly to risk his job. If he had written to us instead of you, we might have additional words for him, but since we are writing back to you, we encourage you to respect him as an adult and allow him to decide for himself how to conduct his business.
We urge you to show your love in ways that have to do with your marriage rather than trying to direct his path in the work world.
Don’t let your pain become an additional burden to him,
Rabbi Daniel and Susan Lapin
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Your response was awesome to Nicole. You have true wisdom. I would like to be able to seek your counsel as well in a very complicated (to me) issue in my life. I’m not a happy warrior, I don’t have the finances to subscribe to things. I wished I could, I’d buy lots of things that i need. Yes I need someone to teach me but who do I turn to. Should it be a woman or man with me being a female. I don’t know. I do know that I need to speak to someone though