Leave and Cleave

Dear Rabbi and Susan,

Can you please give me more insight by what is meant by leave and cleave?

Darren T.

Dear Darren,

We appreciate your faith in us that we will recognize and place the phrase “leave and cleave” to Genesis 2:24: “…a man should leave his father and his mother and cleave to his wife, and they shall be one flesh.” It is often assumed that at this point after Eve’s creation, Adam is defining for us the relationship of husbands and wives.

Yet, Adam does not have a father or a mother. Ancient Jewish wisdom attributes these words not to Adam, but as a Divine statement. Like all Godly truths, His words encompass the past, the present, and the future.

A relationship with parents is, at its most basic, genetic. Yet, the child is not on an equal plane with his parents. The parents have goals, dreams, and aspirations for the child—but at some point, that child must distinguish himself and become his own person. That person needs a partner to fully actualize his own goals, dreams, and aspirations. Even though his wife is not genetically related, his relationship with her becomes more important than his earlier relationships with his parents. The verse is emphasizing this timeless truth, namely that his primary attachment must be to her. Together, they become one flesh, both during times of physical intimacy, and if blessed, through the unification of their genes via children.

On a practical level, this verse lays out a man’s priorities. He cannot remain a child, dependent on his parents to care for him. He must grow beyond being tended to and become a man who can assume responsibility for others. The word for man in this statement is not Adam, but a new word, ISH which we see for the first time in the Bible in the previous verse. ISH connotes a worthiness. One may physically mature and be an Adam; one does not automatically become an ISH. (We discuss this more fully in Scrolling through Scripture: Creation).

We hope this gives you some insight into “leaving and cleaving.”

Be an ISH,

Rabbi Daniel and Susan Lapin

Appreciated this article? Feel free to share it using this link: https://rabbidaniellapin.com/leave-and-cleave/

---

---