My aunt recently celebrated her hundredth birthday. The local newspaper offered to interview her, but she declined. Although I was disappointed, I respected her wishes. Nevertheless, I feel, perhaps intuitively, that it would be meaningful to honor her in some way.
Am I wrong to feel this way? Could you suggest a way for our family to honor her that would be pleasing to God?
W.P.
Dear W.P.,
What a lovely milestone for a family to celebrate and it sounds as if your aunt is still lively and knows her own mind.
Without knowing her, we think there is a world of difference between being written up in a newspaper for strangers to read one’s story and the family choosing to commemorate this birthday. As with most gifts, the best question to ask, though often a difficult one to answer, is “what would the recipient like” rather than “what would I like if I was the recipient.”
The range of ideas is broad. Putting together an album where family members reflect on their interactions with your aunt, what they learned from her, and what they appreciate about her, is a low-budget concept that can bring great joy. At the other end of the financial spectrum would be funding a scholarship or initiative for something that your aunt has strongly supported. Surely, relatives can think of dozens of other options.
You refer to pleasing God. We think the relevant guide is Leviticus 19:32: You shall rise before the aged and show deference to the old; you shall fear your God; I am the Lord.
While working on any initiative, we encourage you to collaborate with the rest of your family to stay in touch with your aunt when there is not a special occasion. While it is lovely, for example, to hear from loved ones when it is your birthday or before a holiday, the weeks and months between special events can be long. Depending on the number of relatives, each individual calendaring a phone call or visit on a weekly, bi-weekly, or monthly basis so that there is a steady stream of attention could make a meaningful difference in your aunt’s next century.
Hope you inherited good genes,
Rabbi Daniel and Susan Lapin
What do you think? We’d love to hear your thoughts on this Ask the Rabbi & Susan post.
We Happy Warrior members can both read and write comments HERE.
Not a member yet? Ask the Rabbi is a reader-supported publication.
We truly appreciate those of you who sign up for a Basic membership. This lets us know we are providing value to you.
Rabbi Daniel and Susan Lapin are teaming up with online marketing coach, Jim Cockrum, in a project sharing secrets of successful coaching with Happy Warriors. Expect simple, direct, actionable insights and specific strategies based on timeless truths and decades of business success and experience!
