Dear Rabbi and Susan,
I want to know, as a young man and an orphan living in an environment of confusion, still trying to figure out with little to no real adult guidance especially growing up. How do I find Purpose in life; Identity, Spirituality, Career, Relationship… ?
Dan
Dear Dan,
The fact that you are asking yourself this question and reaching out to explore what to do puts you years ahead of many other young men. At the same time, we think that you might do better by asking a different question. Let’s look at what that might be.
Having a purpose in life is important. Learning what that is, is a bit like mountain climbing. What do we mean?
Imagine a drawing of a childish version of a mountain. Were you to ask the child how best to get to the top, he or she would draw a straight line from the ground to the apex. Yet anyone who has hiked a mountain trail knows that you don’t climb by going straight, you zig and zag. Sometimes, you even need to go down or in the opposite direction of where you’re heading so that you can reach the top.
Some things are best pursued not by aiming directly for them but rather by doing the right thing at the moment.
Taking that into account, instead of seeking your purpose, the question becomes: What should I be doing now?
You see, Dan, the words you use like “purpose”, “identity”, and “spirituality” are important-sounding words that don’t actually lead you towards measurable goals. We have a better approach for you.
In coaching many followers over the years, we have discovered just how reliable a roadmap our 5F™ schematic is. We think it will move you forward if you divide your life goals into the zones of Family, Faith, Finance, Fitness, and Friendships. You will discover how each reinforces the other four.
You need a plan to generate a reliable revenue flow. You need to think through a plan that will lead to marriage and building your own family. And similarly with increasing your number of friends, building your own health and strength, and initiating or augmenting your relationship with God. We are entirely confident that as you progress in these specific and measurable endeavors you will discover that your inchoate yearnings for purpose, identity, and spirituality will be thoroughly fulfilled.
You note that you have ‘no real adult guidance.’ Our recommendation would be to set a goal of finding exactly a few adult mentors. Unfortunately, there are many adults out in the world vying for your attention and too many of them want to use you while not caring at all about you. Fortunately, there are men who are worthy of the title mentor, pastor, and friend.
The online world includes a Jordan Peterson and a Nick Fuentes. One will help you grow while the other will condemn you to failure. You can watch and read material that will propel you to earn money and be worthy of a good woman or you can watch and read material that will make you a lesser man.
How to choose correct guidance? We recommend looking at the results. Look at the people who followed different leaders and paths. Ignore what is being said and look at the results. When you find someone who consistently, over a reasonable period of time, guides young men in the direction you want to go, get on that track.
In the meantime, Dan, demand results from yourself. Get in the arena with a job, even if it is not something to which you want to commit in the long run, as well as giving your effort and time to others, including making noble friends.
When you are already moving on a good path, we think that you will come across your purpose and discover the best direction for yourself.
We’re excited to see where you head,
Rabbi Daniel and Susan Lapin
Enjoyed this article? Feel free to share it using this link: https://rabbidaniellapin.com/how-do-i-find-my-purpose/
