Angry Words

“I just heard the most amazing insight,” our teenage daughter announced, introducing a perceptive observation from her teacher. Admittedly, the thought was worthwhile. Yet my husband and I had made the same point at least twenty times to guests at our Shabbat table while she was present. She was blithely unaware of that as she told us her teacher’s brilliant remarks.

Teenagers may excel at this, but we are all prone to hearing what we want, when we want. We are subject to distractions and information overload, and some items simply spark interest at a different point in our life. Communication is vital to relationships and growth, but it is also easy to ignore.

Many times, after reading an article in print media, the comments that followed in subsequent days, weeks, and months provided a beneficial perspective, raised pertinent questions, and added to my understanding. As things moved online, the comment section followed that same pattern. However, these days, this is happening less and less. Instead, online reactions more and more seem to be from unhinged people ranting angrily—both for and against the content. (To be clear, I am not referring to comments on WeHappyWarriors.com. We truly value and appreciate every response we receive.) Since canceling our Wall Street Journal subscription, I now frequently download the newspaper from our library system. Unlike written letters to the editor, online comments increasingly are composed by people shouting past each other. Not helpful at all.

It was neither pleasurable nor easy to write thank you cards as my mother demanded of us when my sister and I received gifts. Sometimes, we made mistakes that necessitated throwing out one card and starting afresh. However, in addition to the personal touch, physically writing meant that we thought in advance about what we wanted to say. When one of our daughters, as a twelve-year-old, wrote a letter to our local newspaper, she was thrilled when it appeared in print. She didn’t dash off her observation; she contemplated and wrote and re-wrote her comments.

Though we have gained much through an internet that allows us to connect so quickly with so many, we may have lost the art of meditating upon our words. Online comments often bury useful ideas in streams of angry tirades. In my personal life, I have thrown out many physical screeds I wrote in moments of hurt or anger. Re-reading what I wrote a few days later, I recognized its unfairness or unsuitability. Getting my thoughts down in writing helped me to process them. Yet had they been delivered within seconds of being completed, they could have left devastation in their wake.

We often hear what we want to hear when we want to hear it. Technology that allows—or forces—us to only hear what we were comfortable with yesterday, stops us from reaching a wiser tomorrow. The tech genie—or perhaps Pandora’s box—is out and open. But just as artisanal bread followed the domination of sliced bread, and breastfeeding made a comeback after formula feeding became ubiquitous, perhaps we are seeing a resurgence of measured, thoughtful reactions in newer communication platforms. I hope so.

It has been great fun seeing the subscriber list to my free Substack blog, Family Fortitude, grow. The more visibility I have, the better chance to reach those who are open to hearing a positive view of marriage and family. I appreciate your sharing the link, reading, and commenting on my weekly essays (shout out to Raymond!). Even a ‘like’ that takes a second (assuming you did like the piece) helps me rank higher and reach more people.

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