Dear Rabbi and Susan,
My husband and I will be reaching our 25th wedding anniversary next July. Our marriage was only a civil one. Ever since discovering your teachings six years ago, our path has turned toward the Lord. However, I believe our marriage is missing a covenant with God.
According to Ancient Jewish wisdom, are we married before God’s eyes? I desire to ask our Pastor to renew our vows now with God at the center of our union, and in the presence of our Church community. Will God rejoice over us?
Thank you for all you do. I am blessed to call you my melamed (teacher).
God bless you eternally.
Dalmai L.
Dear Dalmai,
At the very outset, we want to emphasize that you are unquestionably married in God’s eyes.
Ancient Jewish wisdom cites three ways that a couple makes their marriage official. One of these is living together openly as a married couple—something you have been doing for years. American law recognizes the same, calling it common law marriage.
You did more than that by entering legally into a civil marriage. While, at the time, you did not ask for God’s blessing on your union it still is a contract, though as you note perhaps not a covenant. Clergy is not needed for a marriage to be valid in God’s eyes. God smiles upon a couple proclaiming their eternal commitment to each other in front of the community or before community representatives.
With that said, a renewal of vows ceremony is a beautiful event, not only for you and your husband, but also for the entire community fortunate enough to have you in its midst.
Marriage is increasingly disrespected and diminished in many places today. Some couples delay starting their marriages and many individuals reject the importance of marriage altogether. Cultural influences encourage ending marriages and either staying single or starting over. So, not only does this anniversary mark a notable point in your personal lives, but your celebration can serve as a needed example and motivation for those around you.
Entering into that covenant now, by inviting God to bless and join in your union would be a wonderful thing. Doing so publicly in front of your church community makes it even greater. We would not be surprised if younger members start seeing the two of you as a resource for advice and coaching in areas of dating and marriage.
We picture God rejoicing whenever His children elevate His name and His laws.
May you have many more blessed years in good health and happiness,
Rabbi Daniel and Susan Lapin
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