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On Shaky Ground

If I told you that I missed writing a Musing last week because I was under the weather, I would be telling the truth. But I wouldn’t be telling you the whole truth. Certainly, some of the fogginess in my mind came from the medication I was taking and was a result of my body working on healing, but in all honesty, much of it was coming from feeling emotionally ungrounded.

Every once in a while, a bigamist or a con-artist or even a mass-murderer is unmasked. He turns out to be the nice guy who everyone liked. His wife, his neighbors, his employer all had no idea that he was a monster. I don’t think that I’m the only one who feels unsteady when such news breaks and is hyped all over the media. Suddenly, I start looking at people I know and…wondering. I start seeing fault lines in ground that I had always thought of as rock steady.

I feel that way now as I am coming to accept that Joe Biden will be sworn in as our next president. This certainly isn’t the first election where my preferred candidate lost. That is a normal fact of life when one lives in a free country. I didn’t vote for Bill Clinton or for Barack Obama. Yet, I understood their appeal and the limited appeal of their Republican opponents. I felt that an honest and fair election had taken place and even though I worried about the repercussions, I accepted them.

This election is different. The unrestrained hatred of President Trump, the vitriolic dishonesty of the mainstream press, the suppression of information and the deliberate release of misinformation over the past four years has me looking at the incoming administration and…wondering.

Will I be forced to choose between my own religious, moral, patriotic, and ethical beliefs versus obedience to those running the government? I recently read a piece written by the daughter of two Soviet dissidents living in the now-extinct U.S.S.R. When her mother and father acted in opposition to the oppressive government, they did not know that they would prevail. That is always the pattern in a fight against wrong.

We are in the final day of the holiday of Chanukah where we speak daily of God’s allowing the weak to prevail against the strong, the righteous to triumph over the wicked. When the Maccabees fought, they did not know of their eventual (and sadly, temporary, triumph). Neither did the Union soldiers fighting against the Confederacy during the American Civil War or the Allies fighting against the Nazis in World War II. What is important to remember, is that while the fight ultimately was against evil ideas put into practice, many of the people who ended up siding with those immoral causes were aligned on that side by fear, geography, ignorance, and a host of other reasons, not from an ideological agreement.

I do believe that Leftism is not just wrong, but evil and incompatible with the Constitution. Identifying when Leftism starts dominating the Democrat Party rather than just being a force within it, will be an important moment in our nation’s history. It is a moment that I pray we’ll never face, but that prayer is uttered while teetering on shaky ground.

What is more important than understanding first principles?
After years of being asked for a program like this…
Announcing: Scrolling through Scripture
an online course with Rabbi Daniel Lapin

@ 1 day ago by Susan Lapin

Am I my brother’s weight-management keeper?

Thank you so much for your teachings. It has really helped me understand how to connect with people, make the world a better place, and be rewarded with ‘certificates of appreciation’ in the process.

I’m a little conflicted right now, though, and so I’m reaching out to see if you can offer me some ancient Jewish wisdom to help me get through this situation:

I own a bakery; I specialize in sugary treats, and the reactions I get when people taste what I make sets my heart aglow. I love it when people enjoy my confections. I understand that these are ‘treats’ and that consuming these things consistently, like anything (including exercise) can be unhealthy – I really don’t know what people do with my wares once they leave my bakery, I just hope I am making the world a better place when the transaction is made.

The exception, though, is with one of my best friends’ husband. He just had weight-loss surgery (his second) and it doesn’t look like this second one will be successful either. He’s not listening to doctors, still sneaking food, etc. I pray it works out, but he will call me up and order some chocolate truffles ‘for his wife’ but I know that this isn’t the case. He may give her 1/4 of the order, and the rest are for him.

What do I do here? Is my obligation to my family/business and do I make the transaction and accept the certificate? Or, is my obligation to my genuine connection and concern for his health and the relationship with my friend?

Seeking wisdom, Rabbi, and Susan

Thank you kindly,

Ashley (alias)

Dear Ashley,

What a fascinating question! While in your case, the potentially harmful goods are your baked delicacies your concern could apply in so many other cases. What if you own a car dealership and a friend opts to buy a luxury car and meanwhile you know that he is already heavily in debt? Or you own a motel and a friend checks in with someone to whom she isn’t married? The possibilities are endless.

For the purpose of this Ask the Rabbi, we should stipulate that we are not approaching it from a legal angle. It is possible that refusing service could subject you to a lawsuit or cause other problems. We are only commenting on the ethical/moral issue at hand through the lens of ancient Jewish wisdom. We don’t mind telling you that your excellent question took a bit of research!

Ancient Jewish wisdom does not advocate unbridled capitalism with a cavalier attitude of “caveat emptor–let the buyer beware. Swindling, cheating, or even subtly misleading your customer are clearly forbidden as is using insider information to take advantage of someone else’s lack of knowledge. Furthermore, trading in items whose only purpose is harming others, for instance, destructive drugs, is not permissible. We coined and use the words ‘ethical capitalism’ to describe the Torah’s approach to business.

However, your question doesn’t fall into any of these categories. In your case, there are two principles that could apply. The first would kick in if you were the only source of baked goods in your area. In that case, our answer might be different. However, we assume that sugary confections are readily available and in our day and age they can be gotten almost instantaneously online as well.

With that being so, the second Hebrew principle that comes into play is, “ein sof l’davar,” or, in English, “there is no end to the matter.” As you can see from our examples, if a storekeeper is responsible for how his or her wares are used, we very quickly would be in a “nanny community.” We would be constantly evaluating who needs what and whether we think they should have it. We would sit in constant judgment of each other rather than serving one another. This would not only have a crippling effect on business but, more importantly, it would destroy relationships as we infantilize one another.

You are not responsible for your friend’s husband’s health, though you can pray that he has the strength to do the right thing. Your bakery sounds delightful and we’re gratified that our teachings are helpful.

Gastronomically yours,

Rabbi Daniel and Susan Lapin


ON SALE: THE INCOME ABUNDANCE SET	NEW! Online video course. Verse by verse through the Bible – Scrolling through Scripture

@ 3 days ago by Rabbi Daniel And Susan Lapin

Permission to Mourn

‘Your Mother’s Guidance’ by Rebecca Masinter

After Joseph was sold to Egypt, his father, Jacob, was told that his son had been ripped apart by a wild animal. Jacob mourned deeply. We’re told “vayisabel al bno yamim rabim,” “he mourned for his son for many days. “ Over time, his children tried to comfort him. Genesis 37:35 says:

All his sons and daughters sought to comfort him, but he refused to be comforted.

Rabbi Shimshon R. Hirsch (1808-1888) points out that the Hebrew word to be comforted is in reflexive form— “l’hisnachem”. Reflexive verbs are ones where the subject does the action to himself. For example, a reflexive form of the word would be used to describe dressing myself versus dressing someone else. So when Jacob refused “to be comforted,” Rabbi Hirsch notes that he was refusing to console himself. What does that mean? In verse 34, the word for “and he mourned” is also reflexive.

The Lord’s language, Hebrew, reflects the reality that both mourning and comforting are processes, or two points of the same process, that an individual must go through and do to and with himself. Mourning and comfort are intensely personal processes of reorienting oneself to one’s new reality, whether it’s a world without a loved one, a dream that won’t come true, or a goal that can’t be achieved. There are many events in a person’s life that lead to mourning and comfort, to feeling sadness over what was lost and learning to accept a new reality and live with it.

In the world today, there is great discomfort with grief, sadness, and mourning. Most especially, it is difficult for parents to watch their children grieving over any loss or disappointment. We sometimes wonder what our role is when our son or daughter is saddened over something not going their way, or facing a loss of any type. The Torah is teaching us here that accepting and recovering from a loss, including any disappointment or moment of futility where life isn’t working the way our child wants it to work, is a process each person has to be allowed to go through until he or she comes out the other side. We may be tempted to distract our child, to explain to them why their disappointment really isn’t so bad, or maybe that it’s even for the good. Maybe we try to draw their attention to all the blessings in their lives. But when someone is grieving, they need to feel that sadness. The only way to the other side is straight through it, as messy and uncomfortable as it may be. Just like Jacob’s sons and daughters rose up to comfort him, our role is to be present with our child, to make room for the sadness, to allow it to be felt, but ultimately we have to allow our child to go through the process until they comfort themselves by coming out the other side of grief, achieving acceptance and resilience.

Sadness feels uncomfortable and many of us try to avoid it, but it is truly a gift from God that allows us all to adapt to life’s realities with resilience. We can give our children a gift in allowing them to feel sadness, making it safe and okay to feel sad, sitting with them in their sadness, and allowing them to move through the process from mourning to comfort. Just as with Jacob, no one else can do it for them —it’s a reflexive journey which each of us does within ourselves.

@ 4 days ago by Susan Lapin

Fire Up the Blender

Successful living often involves blending two incompatibles. For instance, raising great children means parenting with the perfect mix of tough, firm discipline and gentle, yielding compassion. In running a business, entrepreneurs must exquisitely blend ‘the customer is always right’ with ‘some customers are not worth having.’ In courting, smart men and women combine ‘you’re the only one for me’ with recognizing that until the wedding, other options do exist.

Living without this ability to combine opposites is seldom successful. Such parents run the risk of creating either brats or brutes. Such a suitor can endlessly submit to an excessively demanding and unsuitable marriage partner. Such a storekeeper ends up with a collection of customers who spend very little and complain a great deal or with no customers at all.

Chanukah, whose fifth day starts tonight, emphasizes one of the most crucial of these blends—that between body and soul, between living in the physical world and also in the spiritual one.

In ancient Jewish wisdom, Greek culture represents a materialistic view of reality and is viewed as the source for a physical world view in which only those things that can be seen and touched have value.

One might suppose that the opposing view is that only spirituality matters. However, that is not correct. God gave Israel one of the great secrets of life—the importance of striking a balance between physical and spiritual and between body and soul. The tension between the world views of Israel and Greece is the central theme of Chanukah.

How one feels about whether we live only in a materialistic world or whether we live in a world of both physical and spiritual will greatly influence the decisions we make in running our lives. For that reason, understanding the Greece/Israel tension is vital for successful living.

The Torah term for Greece is Yavan. It appears many times throughout Scripture and always hints at a mistaken materialistic view of reality. It is first found early in the tenth chapter of Genesis*. The word looks like this:

יון

The word’s graphical appearance, three vertical columns of different lengths, suggests the famous columns that are the most enduring relic of ancient Greece. What is more, if one slightly varies the pronunciation of the three letters that comprise the Hebrew word YaVaN, what emerges is ION, the origin of Ionia, the ancient name for Greece.

The word Zion captures the idealistic vision of God’s plan and purpose for us.

…for from Zion** shall go forth the Torah and the word of the Lord from Jerusalem.
(Isaiah 2:3)

The word Zion looks like this:

ציון

It is created by placing the letter Tsadi in front of the Hebrew word for Greece, YaVaN.

All Hebrew letters have meanings and that of Tsadi is a saintly human being. Putting all this together reveals that the idealistic vision of Zion depends upon blending the spiritual saintliness of the Tsadi with the worldliness of Yavan.

While it is true that in the afterlife we shall be involved only in the spiritual, in this world, God intends us to successfully blend the physical and the spiritual. We reflect this ideal on Chanukah by kindling our menorahs, creating a special light whose purpose is to shine as a beacon, blending physical and spiritual. That is what scientists mean by the duality of light. Light can best be understood as a mind-boggling blend of physical particles and spiritual information in waves.

In our exciting new teaching, Scrolling through Scripture (Unit 1), I explain the unique qualities of light, and how understanding it provides a path for thriving. We start by noting that the word for light appears five times in the first day of Creation. And how modern science seems to take its lead from the first 4 verses in Genesis as it recognizes that the origin of the universe has so much to do with light. Our verse by verse exploration of the Six Days of Creation allows me to take you into so much greater depth than these Thought Tools can possibly provide and I invite you to join me on this powerful Bible study.

In our recommended Bible:
* p. 26, top line, 7th word (with the letter ‘ו’ meaning ‘and’ before it).
** p. 1222, line 18, 3rd word from the right (with the letter ‘מ’ meaning ‘from’ before it).

NEW!

SCROLLING THROUGH SCRIPTURE
a verse by verse look through the eyes of ancient Jewish wisdom

@ 4 days ago by Rabbi Daniel Lapin

THOUGHT TOOLS

Fire Up the Blender December 14, 2020 by Rabbi Daniel Lapin - Successful living often involves blending two incompatibles. For instance, raising great children means parenting with the perfect mix of tough, firm discipline and gentle, yielding compassion. In running a business, entrepreneurs must exquisitely blend ‘the customer is always right’ with ‘some customers are not worth having.’ In courting, smart men and women combine ‘you’re the… Read More

ASK THE RABBI

Am I my brother’s weight-management keeper? December 15, 2020 by Rabbi Daniel and Susan Lapin - Thank you so much for your teachings. It has really helped me understand how to connect with people, make the world a better place, and be rewarded with 'certificates of appreciation' in the process. I'm a little conflicted right now, though, and so I'm reaching out to see if you can offer me some ancient… Read More

SUSAN’S MUSINGS

On Shaky Ground December 17, 2020 by Susan Lapin - If I told you that I missed writing a Musing last week because I was under the weather, I would be telling the truth. But I wouldn’t be telling you the whole truth. Certainly, some of the fogginess in my mind came from the medication I was taking and was a result of my body… Read More

ON OUR MIND

A COVID Plus for Thanksgiving November 24, 2020 by Rabbi Daniel and Susan Lapin - The COVID virus and the response to the COVID virus have both resulted in much sorrow and difficulty. But, they have also led to some positive responses. For years, we have been dismayed as more and more stores open on Thanksgiving, switching the focus of the day to shopping. While people will still be shopping… Read More