Another Day at the Office

I think many of us expect to be facing tumultuous times. While I am sure there will be a great deal to say, one message I keep repeating to myself is that I cannot control national or world events. I can pray and do what is within my abilities, but I most effectively have power only over myself, and perhaps influence over those closest to me. I can’t let fears of what I cannot do stop me from doing the things that I can do, such as keeping my own house in order.  

In that spirit, I’d like to add a new phrase to the words that I hope you have already banished from your lexicon. One of my husband’s pet peeves is the phrase, “Giving back to society,” when referencing a charitable donation. Giving is wonderful, but giving back implies that you were taking from society all the years you were working hard to earn money. Unless you are a repentant thief, or perhaps a self-serving, venal politician, while you were making your money you were actually contributing to society, not taking from it.. Why should your words suggest that you were involved in a nefarious and immoral activity?

I would like to recommend another sentence to this aggregation of misleading words:  “No one ever said on their deathbed, that they wished they had spent more time at the office.” I have seen this phrase, usually in regard to parents being on hand for their children’s activities.

I am a huge advocate of carving out large quantities of family time, of building community relationships and of devoting volunteer time to various causes. Nonetheless, the above sentiment is unadulterated bilge-water.

Let’s try hearing what it sounds like in another iteration:  “No one ever said on their deathbed that they wished they had spent more time on the sofa.” If you are a couch potato and lazily sink back into your sofa to watch endless hours of movies, that might be a meaningful sentence. But sitting on your sofa is usually not the goal of the action. I spent many hours on my sofa cuddling babies, reading to toddlers or older children, telephoning elderly relatives, and keeping my finances organized. I clocked many more sofa hours with other necessary and worthwhile activities. I might well wish that I did have more hours to spend on my sofa. 

I spend many of my waking hours in the kitchen. Will I, after 120 years*, say that I wish I had spent more time in the kitchen? Not if the focus of my kitchen-time was simply being in a certain room. But will I wish that I had prepared more nutritious meals for my family even if they took a bit more effort? Will I wish that I had prepared more meals than I did for new mothers or families with a hospitalized child? Will I regret not having shared more hours baking with my children and grandchildren? Possibly. Once again, the heart of the matter isn’t the room but what I was doing in it. 

Will anyone feel bad that they didn’t spend more time at the office? Doesn’t that depend on what he or she did there? Will someone actually rue the hours he spent keeping a company going during a difficult time, thus allowing three or thirty or three hundred employees to continue supporting their families in an honorable manner? Why would anyone regret office time that provided  a product or service that benefited one’s fellow human beings as well as providing food and shelter for his or her own family? I can’t think of any respectable man or woman I know who wishes they lived off charity or taxes forcibly taken from their fellow citizens so that they could diminish their hours at work. If anything, the number of people suffering because they have lost the ability to work this past year, even if they are not struggling financially, should remind us of the centrality of work. The important thing is what is taking place in the office, not the location. 

So, yes, it is entirely possible that some of us might wish we had spent more time doing those things that take place on the sofa, in the kitchen, and most definitely at the location of our economic productivity, even if that location is an office. 

* See Genesis 6:3 and Deuteronomy 34:7. A Jewish blessing often given on birthdays is “until 120 years.” (and be ready to see the connection between the two verses as we go Scrolling through Scripture.)

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Come—Even When You Go

The third section of the book of Exodus, starting with Exodus 9 begins with God telling Moses, “Come to Pharaoh.” The obvious question is, why does God say, “come to Pharaoh” instead of “go to Pharaoh”?  Surely, “go to Pharaoh” is what we expect to hear!

The classic answer is that God is telling Moses and all leaders of the Jewish people after him, “You are not alone.  I will be right there in the throne room as you approach, supporting you and guiding you.  I’m not sending you on a mission with the word “go,” I am calling you to come to me as you fulfill this mission. Come— I’ll be there with you; you are never alone.

Sometimes mothers feel the responsibility of parenting until it feels like a burden on our shoulders.  We need to remind ourselves that parenting is also a “Come” mission from God.  He doesn’t send us off to parent on our own, He is right there alongside us.  We know that there are three partners in every child; a father, a mother, and God.  God’s role doesn’t end at birth.  He remains an active partner with us and fortunately, His role in parenting is infinitely more powerful, loving and effective than ours.  God is present as our partner.  The burden is not ours because the mission is  come rather than go. 

There is another aspect here that I want to share with you and it is how we can use this message in raising our children.  There is a world of difference in sending our child to do something as a “go” mission, versus  a “come” mission.  Challenging our children in any way works best as an, “I’m with you,” message rather than a, “go off alone,” message.  I recently heard a great line, “The only direction I can push someone is away from me.” Whether we are encouraging a young child to do something small or asking an older child to stretch beyond their comfort level in a larger way, we too, can learn from God and give a message of “come,” I will be with you as you do this.  You’re not alone.  

Most frequently, when our children know that we support them and are there to help them if needed, they run off independently, and happily do whatever the current challenge is.  Pushing them to go off and do something hard because we think it’s good for them as a push, a “go,” “go on your own,” isn’t nearly as effective as a message of “come”.  The task is still a mission—Moses still had to do something difficult, but he knew he wasn’t alone.  The awareness of constant, unwavering, generous love and support enables all of us to be independent and reach higher.  The message of “come” isn’t one that God only gave to Moses, or to all future Jewish leaders, or just to parents. It’s one that we can internalize and offer to our children as well when we remind them that we are unwaveringly committed to being there with them as they grow.

What’s up with fitness?

I am a Happy Warrior and have listened to your podcasts and read your books for several years. I am curious as to why Fitness was not incorporated in your teachings to the other four F’s (Family, Faith, Friendships and Finances) until rather recently. 

Can you explain?

Respectfully,

Pedro A. P., Coral Gables, Florida

Dear Pedro,

You certainly noticed correctly that what we used to term the 4Fs, about two years ago turned into the 5Fs with the addition of (physical) fitness. This actually took place due to reader/listener input and suggestion.

We know that as a stone stays the same but a tree constantly grows, living organisms constantly change, grow and adapt.  In that spirit, we are always trying to improve our own understanding of how the world REALLY works and grow the value of the content we bring to our friends and subscribers.

While we have long been aware that care for our bodies is of concern to the Bible,  we generally set it aside because we possess no special expertise or knowledge in promoting, say, paleo eating over keto or swimming over cycling. Truthfully, while we make efforts to have balanced meals and Susan is committed to her aerobic and strength exercise plan, we both eat more sugar than we probably should and move less than is good for us. 

Whenever we did discuss fitness in past Thought Tools, podcasts, or other teachings, it usually involved the mind/body connection in areas such as placebos as well as the spiritual aspects of eating. We have compared the Greek view of the body to a Biblical view and pointed out that we need both our bodies and our souls to follow God’s guidance for healthy living. 

For instance, the Bible emphasizes how the body is really a vessel for the soul, thus care for the body is also care for the soul.  Caring for the body as an end in itself is discouraged.

One of the foundational principles we explore in Scrolling through Scripture Unit 1 is that the world was created, and continues to exist, on two levels, the physical and the spiritual. (You will be amazed at how this idea leaps off the pages of the Hebrew text.) These levels both intersect with and mirror one another. 

Thanks for your question, Pedro.   After receiving feedback asking us to discuss fitness more, we included it in our free ebook, The Holistic You, and look forward to receiving more questions that we might explore. While we won’t weigh up various fitness programs, we can use the lens of ancient Jewish wisdom to help emphasize the integration of our bodies and our souls and to increase understanding of how caring for the body fits into the complete integrated picture of life.

Wishing you a ‘Happy Warrior’ day,

Rabbi Daniel and Susan Lapin

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A Party Divided

We have never been a television family, but we used to have an old rabbit-ears-antenna TV set in a closet that we pulled out on rare and special occasions. That TV came out on September 11, 2001. As it stayed out for quite a few days, I noticed a TV tug of war unfolding. 

On one hand, the news was so overwhelming and the sorrow so great, that running a quiz show, or worse a comedy show, was unthinkable. The question was how long that reticence remained. Five days, five weeks, five months? Closer to five days later, things turned back to “normal,” though a distracting news stream ran across the bottom of the screen. 

What is going on in the United States right now cannot be compared to 2001 in terms of loss of life and suffering. However, history shows that the internal falling apart of a society is often even more dangerous than an attack by an external enemy. In the long run, I think our country is in more danger now than it was then. 

All this is to say that while I personally am focused on my own family, faith, finances, fitness and friendships, I still don’t feel ready to go “back to normal” and talk of those issues in this column. I have strong political views as do most of you. How those translate into practical action is an evolving question. 

In chess (a game I play so amateurishly that I consider it a success when I beat a six-year-old) one strategy is to fork your opponent. The idea is to present them with a lose/lose situation. If they save their rook, they will lose their bishop; to protect their queen, they must forfeit their knight.  There is no step they can take that is completely positive. 

That is the position of the GOP today. The GOP has jumped to impale itself on a fork meaning that it is now a badly splintered party. Those who support President Trump antagonize some conservatives; those who attack the president alienate others. Even if the divide was a 90%—10% split, we are talking about enough disenfranchised voters so that the party will have trouble winning anything more than local elections. In reality, I think the split is closer to 70%-30%. The divide may be more lopsided or less than I think—that is irrelevant in terms of a united front. There is a huge swelling of anger among many conservatives, especially including new, younger ones. While the destructive actions taken by a few last Wednesday do not represent the majority, the anger and frustration they expressed is widely felt and poised to grow, especially as free speech is assaulted. That anger, in turn, will repel the old guard.

On the other hand, perhaps the very split in the Republican Party will prove the beginning of the cure. I think many Americans still are naive about Leftism. If an emboldened Democrat majority moves towards Leftism and overplays its hand, the suffering that attends those kinds of actions will become impossible to ignore. That provides an opening to a meaningful conversation.

I have faith that America is still the exceptional  land dreamed of by our Founders, still populated by  people who see themselves “under God.” Tyranny and totalitarianism have always rightly recognized God as their ultimate enemy.  While the push to eradicate God and His laws is growing, after all these centuries He is still around. Betting against Him may lead to great suffering for many, but not to eventual triumph.

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