Should my daughter nanny for a lesbian couple?

October 29th, 2015 Posted by Ask the Rabbi No Comment yet

Question:

My daughter has been calling me to ask my opinion about working for a married lesbian couple as a nanny to their child. I quote scripture to dissuade her, however she says they are so nice to her and Christians are being unfair to their lifestyle and the couple can’t help who they are, etc. 

Could you please address this situation and help me explain this from God’s point of view. Anything will help because political correctness is so pervasive in our society.

Thank you for your consideration,

∼ Jo

Answer:

Dear Ann,

It’s wonderful that your daughter is calling to ask your opinion. This suggests that she values your thinking. You should be proud. It also suggests that she is conflicted about this job opportunity and willing to think independently rather than flow with her peer group. That is a good thing.

Here is what we would say. We are going to start with the assumption that the two women who want to hire her are wonderful people and loving to the child.  We will assume that your daughter would enjoy being in their home.

So what’s the problem? Throughout history, women have worked together to raise children. Whether it was wives of men who were gone for years on whaling ships out of Nantucket, widows left to raise families, or women without husbands on the spot for other reasons, sisters, cousins and friends banded together to provide a stable home.

This is different for two reasons. Firstly, because making the best of a difficult situation is not the same as insisting that all situations are equal. It may not be politically correct but it is pretty arrogant of our culture to overturn thousands of years of history and insist that children do not thrive best with a mother and father in the home. Our culture puts the desires of adults ahead of what is best for children.

Secondly, by publicly declaring themselves as a lesbian couple, these women are making a statement. It is a statement that fits the values of today, but it is against God’s timeless values. Is your daughter seeking to be accepted by the crowd or is she willing to stand against the new norm?

Your daughter’s accepting or turning down the job is not going to change any of this. These two individuals and the child they are raising aren’t forging new ground or leading a charge to change society. Society has changed.

Instead, this is a decisive personal moment for your daughter. She might ask herself whether she would question working for a couple living in an adulterous relationship. How about working for someone who earns a living doing something she finds objectionable? Are there any lines that she won’t cross and does she want this to be one of them? Does she believe in every human sphere that, “We can’t help who we are,” is the best way to run our lives or does she think our task on earth is to rise above human nature? The question is whether she wants, on a daily basis, to accept this relationship as normal. Her decision won’t change the life of these two women, but it will change hers.

Your love and support matter more than you know,

Rabbi Daniel and Susan Lapin

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